| | Joined: Jul 2009 Posts: 280 Gold Member (200+ posts) | OP  Gold Member (200+ posts)
Joined: Jul 2009 Posts: 280 | It's been 9 months today since Matthew passed.
I haven't been able to decorate the house. No lights. No tree. No sign that Christmas is next week to be seen.
My 14 year old doesn't deserve to have a Christmas as bleak as I feel inside. So, today I went shopping for some extra special gifts for him. Upon returning to the office I found myself in tears. I loved shopping with my husband. I loved this season for the joy on his face when the kids would get what he chose for them.
Cherish the little things, for they are what is truly important.
CG to my husband, Matt. Dx June 2009 Stage IV Oropharengeal SCC right tonsil primary with distant metastases. Rad to neck- Surgeries to lungs- Every avail chemo - ran out of options Jan 2012, called for hospice help Feb 2012, at rest March 19, 2012.
| | | | | Joined: Nov 2006 Posts: 2,671 Patient Advocate (old timer, 2000 posts) | | Patient Advocate (old timer, 2000 posts)
Joined: Nov 2006 Posts: 2,671 | Christine - I am so, so sorry for the pain you are feeling. Holidays and special anniversaries plus all the other things that can trigger the sad moments are so difficult to get through. It takes time and time is different for each of us. I can see by your post that you are still the same giving person that you were through all of your caregiving with Matt. Thinking of your 14 year old and shopping for gifts for him will help soften the sadness of the holidays for both of you. Maybe you will be able to help each other think of some of the happier times when Matt shared his life with you. I hope so.
Anne-Marie
CG to son, Paul (age 33, non-smoker) SCC Stage 2, Surgery 9/21/06, 1/6 tongue Rt.side removed, +48 lymph nodes neck. IMRTx28 completed 12/19/06. CT scan 7/8/10 Cancer-free! ("spot" on lung from scar tissue related to Pneumonia.)
| | | | | Joined: Jun 2007 Posts: 10,507 Likes: 7 Administrator, Director of Patient Support Services Patient Advocate (old timer, 2000 posts) | | Administrator, Director of Patient Support Services Patient Advocate (old timer, 2000 posts)
Joined: Jun 2007 Posts: 10,507 Likes: 7 | Christine, Im so very sorry you are having a difficult time with the holiday season. So glad you were able to push past the sadness by thinking of your child. Im sure they are struggling with this too. Time will help make all the special days easier to handle.
ChristineSCC 6/15/07 L chk & by L molar both Stag I, age44 2x cispltn-35 IMRT end 9/27/07 -65 lbs in 2 mo, no caregvr Clear PET 1/08 4/4/08 recur L chk Stag I surg 4/16/08 clr marg 215 HBO dives 3/09 teeth out, trismus 7/2/09 recur, Stg IV 8/24/09 trach, ND, mandiblctmy 3wks medicly inducd coma 2 mo xtended hospital stay, ICU & burn unit PICC line IV antibx 8 mo 10/4/10, 2/14/11 reconst surg OC 3x in 3 years very happy to be alive  | | | | | Joined: Jan 2011 Posts: 123 Senior Member (100+ posts) | | Senior Member (100+ posts)
Joined: Jan 2011 Posts: 123 | I was right where you were a year ago - Ken had only been gone for 5 months. My daughter was only 19 months old though so I had her to keep my mind off of the bad most of the time. I would never done anything for the holidays but we did get a tree but I couldn't put our "special" ornaments on - those stayed in the box. I didn't put out any of my snowman collection either. Watching Morgan open her presents was the only good part of the day. We did make dinner and had both sets of parents over. Then my dad helped me with some home projects. I wasn't a great holiday but we got through it...and you will too! This year we put the "special" ornaments out and I am doing Elf on the Shelf for Morgan and an Advent calendar so I am into a little more but it still sucks!
Do something special with your son and know that your husband is with you every step of the way!
Jill..CG to Ken, age 43,mom of 1yr old girl.
DIAG:12/9/10 SCC BOT T4N0M0 HPV+
START:1/3/11 IMRT dailyX35 and 7 chemo
END:2/23/11 PEG IN:1/15/11 Out:4/26/11
CT/MRI 4/25/11-marked improvement CT 6/11 new spots
BX 6/23-cancer present
Total Glossectomy sched 7/20/11
7/19/11 Ken's suffering ended
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