I do understand what it is to lose a parent. I lost my dad nearly 20 years ago, quickly and unexpectedly, and lost my mother 8 years ago, with a longer illness, and both ways are hard to endure, but different.

So sorry.
Anne

Thank you, Kathy! You said it right... it is so hard to accept the defeat. I feel it for myself and I feel it for my mom. She hated accepting that the cancer she had fought most of her adult life was finally winning. To lose after all that is so disappointing. And what she went through in her last weeks was humbling and at times demeaning. Being aware enough to know you are wearing adult diapers (before she was catheterized) and having your daughter and husband wash your private areas was very hard for her. On top of having to accept that you are going to die within a matter of weeks was emotionally devastating... for her and for us.
I am trying to come to grips with a reality without her and seeking as much information as I can get to understand what happens to our relationship with her now.
Everyone's support here has been amazing. I am so grateful for finding such great people. You are all champions.

I say this often, yet it is truth and relevant on these forums.

Life is a journey with a beginning and an end for us, it's time spent with those we hold dear that make life so sweet, yet so painful when the journey ends, and a new journey begins.

For myself I hold the memory of those I hold dear with me and live my life in a way to honor them as I believe I will see them when my own journey in this life ends and I can be with them once more.

Because we know loss, we truly understand love, when we understand love we would understand what it is to struggle, when we understand struggle, we understand hope.

Keep to hope my dear, strength in numbers.

Eric

Thank you, Eric! No truer words have ever been spoken.

Hi, Aimlee.

I am so sorry to learn of your mother's passing. You must be an exceptional person to have been a source of love and support for your mother in all that she has endured. You have endured, as well. I hope that you are able to find some peace and comfort in the coming times. Grieving always takes longer than we want it to. The pain of loss ebbs and flows. I'm having trouble finding the words to comfort you. Just know that we are all here for you. You have come across an amazing group of people here. Please keep coming back.

I'm not sure if it's okay to recommend books here. This is a simple, comforting book about the grieving process. It was written by a nurse and her husband who run a hospice house. A friend of mine gave it to me when I lost my father. I have since pulled it out many times over the last 9 years and you can bet that I pulled it out when I was diagnosed with cancer. It is set up like a children's book, but it is appropriate for all ages. I have given to friends of mine when they have suffered a loss. It doesn't have to be death, either. It can be job loss, divorce, health problems, loss of status, pet loss...basically anything that would cause one to grieve. Here is the link if you like the information. It's also sold at Barnes & Noble in the children's section.

http://www.amazon.com/Tear-Soup-Pat..._1?ie=UTF8&qid=1336444260&sr=8-1

Take care of yourself,
Kerri

Thank you, Kerri. I have been doing a lot of research on what books to get, so this is very helpful. I will add it to my list.

Another really good book is "How to Survive the Loss of a Love". It's for any kind of loss, whether it's a person or a former way of life, etc. It's a very small book easy to read no matter what page you happen to land on and it's available at Amazon through OCF site:
http://www.amazon.com/?ie=UTF8&%2AVersion%2A=1&tag=oralcancfoun-20&link_code=hom&%2Aentries%2A=0
I like the original version which was smaller and have gotten several copies at the used book store over the years to give to friends and to students I had. It really helped me when I was going through divorce and it actually encouraged me to start my own survivor journal.

Losing our mothers is so hard....especially after a long a valiant fight. So many here feel your pain, having lost our mothers....some many years ago, yet there is always remains a twinge of pain in that loss. Time does help, but never fully takes it away. My mom taught me about living and life...and how to do it with grace and class...right up to the day she passed...she was an amazing woman.

Your memories will keep her always close to you...mothers are a true "part" of each of us...we live on taking them with us wherever we go.

p

That's what I am afraid of... that years down the road from now this wound is going to feel as open and raw as it does right now. I miss her so much and feel robbed. She is going to miss so much. I'm not married yet nor do I have any children so learning to accept that she is not going to be with me for those special moments is almost impossible.

Wounds do heal, Aimlee. Soon, you will be able to think more of all the wonderful things you associate with your Mother, and these memories will soften and soothe the wound of her passing. You have not lost her - she is close to you. You will be able to accept other special people in your life while still benefitting from all the special moments you have already had with your Mom. Be gentle and be patient with yourself and the healing will come.