As Eric said, there are a few of us around that can speak to this surgery. It is a massive surgery, with involvement of a lot if different disciplines, and a large part of the body overall. Recovery is not quick, but it is measurable. Three weeks after release from hospital following my surgery ( which was very similar) I was on an airplane across country for a conference.
There WILL be surprises, good and bad. Likely some setbacks too, along the way. I thnk the single biggest thing that will get you all through this phase is your perspective; it is a PHASE of treatment, it will be short term in the grand scheme of things, and he will adapt to all of the elements of his "new normal" at his own pace, in his own way, but HE WILL adapt. Some of us fixated on different things during the surgical phase...for me it was the trach...I could NOT wrap my head around that and it scared me to death.
Once The surgery was over, I discovered that it was really much less than I'd expected, it was not nearly as awful as I'd thought, and I kept thinking over and over again...."this is helping me to get well"...
It's a tough time, but it sounds like he has what we all need most; a good support network. Be there for him, and he'll make it work

Mancias
Before surgery a family member should speak with the nutritionist/dietician at the hospital about post-operative nutrition. Depending on the doctor's instructions and progression of healing he will go from liqiud feedings to more solid foods and there is much that can be done to accomodate the various challenges that this surgery brings to swallowing and taste. Check with your FILs dr. and insurance about post operative support. Occpational and physical therapists usually start care in the hospital and there are followup home visits. The hospital had a medical social worker who ordered at home visits by a nurse, for oc and pc and got a walker and portable potty chair delivered to my house. It is important to help make him as comfortable as possible after at home. For a while he may need some one available to assist in normal grooming and hygene tasks, taking medications, and feeding. I found it helpful to have disposable cups, napkins, spoons, and bottled water in my room at home. This save a lot of work for my helpers - husband daughter-in-law, and 10 yr old grandson - who came and went. One of them could leave me with individual containers of applesauce, soft drinks, juices, and such so I could have something when no one was there. My biggest problem post op was that our tubs were too high for me to get into and for a bath chair to span and there was nothing close enough for me to use for leverage to swivel in. Eventually I got so frustrated that I put a thick towel over the track for the shower doors and sat on that to get in and out of the tub. The family will find that such trial and error solutions are not part of the doctor's field of expertise, but you will find answers from those of us who have "been there" here.

Wishing a speedy and complte recovery,
Malka

Thank you all for your continued support! I can't believe this but I cleared my internet cache and couldn't logon!! anyway, I am back and my FIL is in the hospital as I type. He had surgery a week ago today. It took 14 hours to resect his jaw, replace with plate and fibula, and free flap from his leg and chest for inner / outer jaw area. Skin graph from his thigh....after 7 days, He is up to 2x a day of physical therapy, he covers his trach and talks really well and I can't believe how great he is doing. Honestly, my mind/imagination was so much worse. His doctors have been wonderful so far. He moved to regular room out of ICU just a few days after surgery. Thankfully he is swallowing his own saliva which is really good and we did training on maintenece of the trach and feeding tube yesterday. Our doctor wants us there the day they release him from the hospital and wants to see us clean / care for the trach and give him a feeding with no nurse help so he can make sure we know what we are doing. He will go to a rehab facility from there and then home with nursing. The doctors say that the surgery couldn't have gone any better. They did several biopsies and all his margins were benign which is awesome. He had nothing in his cranal nerve that we were concerned with and I can't believe how well he says (or writes) that he is feeling
My biggest concern now is him coming home and us making sure he gets his nutrients and stays as strong as he has been. They want us to feed him 6 cans of ensure type formula a day. I want to ask how long they forsee the feeding tube to be in place if he is already swallowing but this is where we will need your expertise....but I am sure we have a long road ahead....
Thank you to all of you for your notes and advice. (Christine, your advice on the trach was perfect) Now we just pray that his recovery continues to be as good as it has been. I am sure we will hit some bumps in the road but we pray his margins stay clear. The dr.'s want to give him 6wks of recovery and then another round of radiation / chemo just to be sure. The radiation is what scares me. I want the new tissue / bone to survive it and I pray he isn't in loads of pain.
Right now, he looks really strong...I am assuming he will be able to do a lot himself but I think we will be nervous to go to work with him at home ( I only work 1/2 mile from home and am flexible to go home at lunch every day so is my brother in law) just praying we all have the strength to get through this like we have so far THANKS to all of you and I will be back with questions I am sure

Mancias, congrats to your FIL!!!! It sounds like you prepared for the worst but it turned out much better than you had hoped. Clean margins are what you want to hear. It sounds like your FIL is doing excellent. He is sailing right thru! I know its rough and there is a long road ahead, but he is doing very very well. Im so happy for you that he is recovering so quickly.

A huge part of the recovery will be continuing to get proper nutrition. Make sure you get the feeding pump for when he comes home. There are 3 ways to do the feedings. Try them all and see what works best for him. If he gets nausea from the formula, add water. If it is being done with the pump, then slow down the rate. Its alot of trial and error when it comes to getting it just right.

Im glad the possey muir valve trach works so well for him. I had that kind and it made things so much easier for me.

Keep up your positive attituide. Im a big believer that a good attitude helps make things easier on the patient. Best wishes to your FIL's for his continued recovery.

Thanks Christine! I will make sure and get with the case manager tomorrow about the feeding types. I want to make sure he is comfortable, getting the proper nutrition and digesting correctly...so far it is a 750ml of water after each can but we will see what works best for him.

Thanks again to everyone for the advice

When doing feedings, make sure he is inclined, never lying down. I have the head of my bed raised about 6" and then also sleep on 2 pillows.

Well, he has been home for a little over a week and it has been smoother than expected. The "new" normal is really become kinda normal. Skin graphs and his leg are healing great. he is able to swallow but still has his PEG so, he'll enjoy a glass of ice water and loves that treat. The Dr.'s want to keep the PEG and Trach in until all radiation is done. He starts 6-8 weeks of radiation next week. (5 weeks after surgery). The results from the actual operation were exciting as the lymph nodes were clear and so we are shooting for a possible cure here! I am not sure what to expect from radiation. I know it is every day (mon-fri) for the next several weeks and I just hope that the new tissue and flaps survive it all. We have been extremely fortunate at his healing so far and hope it continues. It is good to read everyone's posts and get tips from other posts. Thanks again!!

Its always nice to hear someone is doing well. Thank you for posting such an encouraging post! I know its been difficult, the surgery is a rough one. Excellent news with the clear lymph nodes.

When doing radiation and chemo, make sure you pay close attention to his intake. A minimum of 48 oz of water and 2500 calories daily is what he will need to maintain his weight and energy. Even more is better!

We are all in your corner rooting for your father!

Thats awesome. Glad he's doing so well! Radiation is hard but Woth support he'll do fine! Take care and healing vibes being sent his way.

I wanted to log on and thank everyone for the advice and support in what was such a tough year. Having your in-laws move in your home while trying to raise little ones is one thing, but to go through this surgery & recovery etc just adds to the cake!
I am happy to say that last week we got news that my father-in-law is in remission!
His PET, CT and blood work came back great. He will have to follow up every 3 months for 2 years then every 6months etc...
We are just ECSTATIC with this news.
On top of that this week is the first time when he has skipped tubal feedings and is eating solid foods for EVERY meal. My culinary expertise has been challenged but we are getting along great! We have come so far! He is regaining strength by the minute after all of that radiation, chemo and weight loss. Our holidays were filled with gratitude and love. Thanks again to all the support here, your advice was so well used and appreciated
~Marlen Mancias