My oh my... what a rocky, twisted, hilly road we travel my friends...

I find myself repeating things. While I have the patience to handle it well thus far, I don't know what causes his memory lapses. He's lost hearing in his right ear. I am learning to adjust my volume based on what side of him I am on.
Today, he sent me a text saying he just searched the house and yard for me for twenty minutes before he realized that I was still at work.

Pray for me friends, and for Matt that this not going to be permanent. I think it would break my heart if the best of things is already going...

It's called "chemo-brain" but I think there is a lot more going on as both Alex and I have it whilst only one of us actually received chemo

You have probably noticed he can't concentrate on much either - my Alex has only just started reading his epics again and is also watching TV shows with complicated plot lines after a year of "take your brain out and put it on the table" light entertainment shows. It never affected his motivation to watch fully grown men running around after a slightly squashed looking piece of pigskin though

I am told it improves with time but in the meantime, I cringe when he uses the mandolin to slice vegetables, and hyperventilate when he's decides to drive.

Ladies, the stress takes a toll on our memory. I am finally getting out of the habit of asking my 11-year-old if he has any homework four or five times an evening (he always tells me...I just don't remember asking him or hearing his answer!) There are so many other things to think about...it is memory overload.

I think Joel has lost hearing in his right ear as well. Hearing loss is a side-effect of Cisplatin, right? Joel had Erbitux so I know it isn't the chemo. He's had that hearing problem for the latter part of our 27 year marriage. I've been told that it's a common affliction for husbands who have done a lot of driving with their wife in the car (Non-USA friends: think about where the steering wheel is located in American cars...)

Hang in there, Chris...I'll be keeping you and Matt in my prayers!

I can't be stressed - Alex doesn't believe such a thing exists . When he told me this last week as we were walking away from the "group hug", I did have to ask him what thought was causing his abnormal behaviour that day.

I had just put up with him muttering in the car on the way, asking me why I had chosen the lane I had. Apparently I was supposed to pick the far right lane to avoid being slowed down by those merging from the far left into the middle due to parked cars. This, when I was turning left at the end of the block (one day I will drop him off and let him walk and THEN he will truly know what stress is!). Kept his head down so he didn't have to talk to the doctors as they came out of the meeting. Muttered because reception wasn't there to greet him and book him in but refused to let her know he was there when she finally showed up choosing instead to wait till last so he REALLY had something to complain about. How disappointed he must have been to be called first anyway. Refused to talk to our cancer co-ordinator, made flippant and misleading remarks to the ENT trying to find out how he was doing and apparently not suffering from stress.

All sweetness and light the next day, and when he met me and a friend for coffee told the friend what a horror he had been the previous day. Not stressed though.

Karen - My driving ability was also in question while driving my son to and from his Rad Tx. I think it's just one of the side effects of what cancer does to a survivor. When he was feeling really, really bad, he was very quiet so when he started complaining about my driving, I took that as a slight improvement in his condition. Maybe the complaining is a way of concentrating on something other than the cancer or something he could control in some small way. What a nice comment Alex made to the friend - which of course was really an affirmation of how much he appreciates and loves you!

I too find myself absent minded and a little scary behind the wheel of a vehicle. Thankfully most of my business is close to home.
I suppose chemo brain is likely since he's been getting dosed since March. No telling when it will stop.

I've offended my dear husband by voicing my concerns and worries.
I am sure that he'd rather I not post any further.
Thank you from the bottom of my heart for all of your words of kindness and knowledge. I've leaned on your support more than I thought possible!

Love and hugs - Christine

I'm so sorry to hear that, Christine - you have been such a caring participant with us and the love and concern you've shown for Matt has always been very evident. I do hope that none of us has offended him in any way and that there are better and more peaceful days ahead for you both. Love and hugs right back to you!

Oh Christine, at least he reads this. Ron won't even look at this site let alone listen to me or what I have to say. I dread tomorrow...

I don't know what to think... he's seeing a therapist now. That's good. But he comes home from a visit to her and I wake at 4 am to him whispering in my hear that I don't love him, I hate him, why do I hang on through all this shit.
I don't know what the f to do. To me, that is one stupid MF if he doesn't realize I love his stubborn ass.
Is it some play to try and make me leave? IDK, but it's making me fing weary deep inside when I need all the strength I can muster.