Even though it all feels like a flash, and I am trying to ease back into some sort of normalcy I am finding it troubling. Besides family, I feel at times I am looked at as if I should not still be here. People get the shocked look on their face and even some give off the vibe as if I only had the flu. I read it best here on the forum a few short months ago. A survivor said there is a downside to being just that, your obligations to back and work for the dickhead boss, paying off loans or a childs weddings, and just the sad reality that people suck!

We are I guess, a pretty cool club...Only we understand eachother and can give that head nod of " you kick-ass! " as others look at us like were contagious. I try to not look back but the sad statistics and numbers bother me so much some times. Like hey, you did it this time, but now can ya make it 5 years? Can you make it another scan all clear? Crazy ass world we live in, just having a very insightful day I guess.....Love all you guys!

Nate,

Life gets back to nnormal, just slowly. At your point in treatment I was in a severe depression. I have no Idea where it came from but i described it to a friend as not being suicidal but just not wanting to be awake. I just wanted to wake up 6 months down the road in much better shape.

Having said that life is great for me now and I love every minute of it.

Hang in there

Love your quote it's very true s- healer I know said the same thing to me today...

Hi Nate,

I too was pretty depressed when i was at your stage of recovery. Slowly my depression got better, and now i have a pretty happy and good life! Ive adjusted to my life to suit my new normal. I've even have gone out a few times till 3am!! There was a time when i thought that would never happen. I've had a few scares along the way but fear is something i've accepted that comes with being a cancer patient. Hang in there buddy, its a slow process but you will feel better!! You have come such a long way already and it can only get better and better.

Hugs Minh

Nate, I too was depressed and still am. I am on antidepressants, and boy can i tell a difference when I do not take them. As far as normalcy, you are not alone. I think it is a struggle we all have. I know for one, I have it and often wonder if that pain is something or if I will make it another few weks without having to call my Drs. It seems like I am calling them all the time about one thing or another. I say all that to say you are not alone in how you are feeling. Yes, we are our own little club, and do have an understanding of the emotions. I have been told it gets easier, I am just waiting for that to happen.

Hell Nate, I speak to people I have known for 50 or more years and they act like I'm some weirdo or stranger. We do cause a lot of confusion but you get used to it and laugh after so many of the. " Who The Hell Are You". I find it hard to get upset when this happens.

Hello Nate, I had an awful time after my treatment. I felt as if I was sent home to die. I was afraid to be alone, and I started having panick attacks. I stayed with various family members until I had to go home, I had a 17 year old to take care of. My 17 year old slept in the livingroom with me for over 3 months because of my fear of being alone. I followed my parents around so I wouldn't be alone. I am on antideppressants and valium. I am also in therapy for the past year or so. We have all been through hell and back! Everything past and present just came crashing down on me. I am a very strong person and I have no shame in dealing with this. Therapy has been the best thing for me. You too will get better, you have been dealt a very bad card. I wish you luck and I am always here if you need to talk privately or openly. I am new to this forum, yet I can tell you these people are the most caring and I feel as if I have a new family!! Finally, I have people who understand me and what I"m going through!!!!