| | Joined: May 2002 Posts: 2,152 Patient Advocate (old timer, 2000 posts) | OP  Patient Advocate (old timer, 2000 posts)
Joined: May 2002 Posts: 2,152 | I can't believe this has happened to this wonderful man. I lost my beloved husband and best friend of 44 years on this past Dec 1. He was only 69. This is from the memorial I wrote for his service.
Charlie was in excellent health to everyone's knowledge. I had just had carotid artery surgery on Monday and Tuesday morn he raked and bagged some more leaves, drove me home from the hospital at 4:00, went to a meeting at 6:30, came back at 9:00. I went to sleep at 9:00 and got up at 2:00 to go to the bathroom, walked into the den and found him sitting in a comfortable position on the sofa, looking dead. The EMT arrived in minutes and said he was already gone. They said it was instantaneous. At least he did not suffer.
Our life together began 44 years ago. I walked into the Dept of Treasury for an interview as a programmer trainee. I walked past a long row of desks and in the next to last desk was this handsome man with a blond crew cut and the most marvelous green eyes I had ever seen. I said to myself, I hope that guy never makes a pass at me, �cuz if he does, I'm a gonner. Well he did and the rest is history.
He was my training officer. When I started it was a 1401 and Autocoder. When my first program appeared to be running correctly on my first try, unheard of before, he snuck up behind and hit the B register on the machine, basically causing the program to abend. He had a marvelous sense of humor and a very dry wit. He appeared gruff but really was a teddy bear once you knew him.
We both loved all the same things. We ate, drank and slept data processing. He loved to travel to Europe, the opera, the beach, cook, and the racetrack. He said he learned to read reading the Daily Racing form. We always spent a week at Saratoga in NY playing the ponies. We also loved zoos. On each trip to Europe, he would find a special zoo and surprise me when we got there.
In 1989, he retired from the state to learn the thoroughbred racing business from the ground up, starting as a hot walker and eventually getting his trainers license. He even bought a couple of horses along the way. It was up at 4:00 to muck stalls and feed and groom horses plus take care of the 6 barn cats he kept. He had a natural talent with animals.
He was the love of my life and I can't imagine what I will do without him. So many fond memories. We have all lost a very dear and wonderful man so let�s celebrate his life. That is what he would want.
So here I am 3 months later still putting one foot in front of the other and wondering what is going to happen next. My health is a little better but still suffering from shortness of breath. The first month and a half, there was still so much love filling the house, it almost felt like he was still there. His urn sits on the table in the den where he died and I watch TV along with my favorite picture of us. The horrible grief still has not set in but I think I'm still in denial waiting for the reality of all of this to set in. Just trying to find the paperwork I need to settle the estate, do the taxes, get the pension etc is a full time job and I still work a full time job. Plus everything in the house has managed to break. I laughed when Amy said she had a key ring with a zillion keys but couldn't find the ones for the house she needed. Well, the safe deposit key that has been in the same ashtray for 10 years have disappeared, the titles to the autos that are supposed to be in the safe aren't, and the list just goes on and on.
I apologize for being so long winded. Please do me a favor tonight and every night. Give your beloved spouse or loved one a special kiss because we never know when fate is going to suddenly take your loved one away from you.
Take care,
Eileen
----------------------
Aug 1997 unknown primary, Stage III
mets to 1 lymph node in neck; rt ND, 36 XRT rad
Aug 2001 tiny tumor on larynx, Stage I total laryngectomy; left ND
June 5, 2010 dx early stage breast cancer
June 9, 2011 SCC 1.5 cm hypo pharynx, 70% P-16 positive, no mets, Stage I
| | | | | Joined: Jan 2009 Posts: 1,844 Patient Advocate (1000+ posts) | | Patient Advocate (1000+ posts)
Joined: Jan 2009 Posts: 1,844 | Eileen,
I don't believe an apology to us will ever be needed my dear. We are here for you. Where I cannot begin to understand your loss, I know the love of my spouse and understand just what that means and cannot fathom having to lose it.
I believe the only thing we can do is keep living, as you do and make life as happy and joyous with the time we have left. I believe that's what my wife would want for me, I know I certainly wish it for her if/when my time comes. The memory of that love and relationship will be in your heart the rest of your days.
Take care of you, please know we are here for you if and when you need.
Eric
Young Frack, SCC T4N2M0, Cisplatin,35+ rads,ND, RT Mandiblectomy w fibular free flap, facial paralysis, "He who has a "why" to live can bear with almost any "how"." -Nietzche "WARNING" PG-13 due to Sarcasm & WAY too much attitude, interact at your own risk.
| | | | | Joined: Sep 2009 Posts: 701 Likes: 1 "Above & Beyond" Member (500+ posts) | | "Above & Beyond" Member (500+ posts)
Joined: Sep 2009 Posts: 701 Likes: 1 | Eileen,
I am so sorry that you lost your beloved husband. Your tribute to him is beautiful. Although I didn't know your husband, your writing gave a heartfelt description of your man. Thank you for sharing this. I hope that the happy times you had and your memories of your life together will be of comfort. I send my deepest sympathy.
Anita
Anita (68)
CG to husband, Clark, 79,
DX SCC 11/07, T4N0Mx, PEG 1/08, RAD, post rad infection 3/08,
HBOT 40 dives, ORN, Surg 11/09 mandibulectomy w/fibular graft.
Plastic Surg 4/10, 12/10, 3/11, 10/11, 4/12, 10/12. All PETS clear,
PEG out 1/11. 6/11 non union jaw fracture
Fractured jaw w/surgery 7/14
Aspiration pneumonia 7/21, 10/22
PEG 7/21
Botox injections
| | | | | Joined: Jun 2007 Posts: 10,507 Likes: 7 Administrator, Director of Patient Support Services Patient Advocate (old timer, 2000 posts) | | Administrator, Director of Patient Support Services Patient Advocate (old timer, 2000 posts)
Joined: Jun 2007 Posts: 10,507 Likes: 7 | Eileen, I am so sorry to read of your husband's passing. It was only 3 months ago which is still so recent of course it would not be possible for you to get over this so soon. I loved your memorial speech. Your husband sounds like he was truly a wonderful person. It sounds like you were made for each other and both of you loved and appreciated each other very much. May he rest in peace. I hope you will find some comfort in remembering all the special times you shared together.
ChristineSCC 6/15/07 L chk & by L molar both Stag I, age44 2x cispltn-35 IMRT end 9/27/07 -65 lbs in 2 mo, no caregvr Clear PET 1/08 4/4/08 recur L chk Stag I surg 4/16/08 clr marg 215 HBO dives 3/09 teeth out, trismus 7/2/09 recur, Stg IV 8/24/09 trach, ND, mandiblctmy 3wks medicly inducd coma 2 mo xtended hospital stay, ICU & burn unit PICC line IV antibx 8 mo 10/4/10, 2/14/11 reconst surg OC 3x in 3 years very happy to be alive  | | | | | Joined: Sep 2006 Posts: 8,311 Senior Patient Advocate Patient Advocate (old timer, 2000 posts) | | Senior Patient Advocate Patient Advocate (old timer, 2000 posts)
Joined: Sep 2006 Posts: 8,311 | So so sorry Eileen. Great memorial.
David
Age 58 at Dx, HPV16+ SCC, Stage IV BOT+2 nodes, non smoker, casual drinker, exercise nut, Cisplatin x 3 & concurrent IMRT x 35,(70 Gy), no surgery, no Peg, Tx at Moffitt over Aug 06. Jun 07, back to riding my bike 100 miles a wk. Now doing 12 Spin classes and 60 outdoor miles per wk. Nov 13 completed Hilly Century ride for Cancer, 104 miles, 1st Place in my age group. Apr 2014 & 15, Spun for 9 straight hrs to raise $$ for YMCA's Livestrong Program. Certified Spin Instructor Jun 2014.
| | | | | Joined: Nov 2002 Posts: 3,552 Patient Advocate (old timer, 2000 posts) | | Patient Advocate (old timer, 2000 posts)
Joined: Nov 2002 Posts: 3,552 | Eileen,
I remember Charlie from the first OCF gathering in Las Vegas. I am so sorry for your loss.
Gary Allsebrook
***********************************
Dx 11/22/02, SCC, 6 x 3 cm Polypoid tumor, rt tonsil, Stage III/IVA, T3N0M0 G1/2
Tx 1/28/03 - 3/19/03, Cisplatin ct x2, IMRT, bilateral, with boost, x35(69.96Gy)
________________________________________________________
"You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes" (James 4:14 NIV)
| | | | | Joined: May 2002 Posts: 2,152 Patient Advocate (old timer, 2000 posts) | | OP Patient Advocate (old timer, 2000 posts)
Joined: May 2002 Posts: 2,152 | Thank you for your kind expressions of sympathy and support. It is truly appreciated.
Take care,
Eileen
----------------------
Aug 1997 unknown primary, Stage III
mets to 1 lymph node in neck; rt ND, 36 XRT rad
Aug 2001 tiny tumor on larynx, Stage I total laryngectomy; left ND
June 5, 2010 dx early stage breast cancer
June 9, 2011 SCC 1.5 cm hypo pharynx, 70% P-16 positive, no mets, Stage I
| | | | | Joined: Dec 2003 Posts: 2,606 Likes: 2 Patient Advocate (old timer, 2000 posts) | | Patient Advocate (old timer, 2000 posts)
Joined: Dec 2003 Posts: 2,606 Likes: 2 | Eileen,
I am deeply saddened to hear about your beloved Charlie. I am thankful you shared your tender words with us. I don't know if words can really ease the pain but I offer my sincerest heartfelt sympathies. Of course you know if there is anything I can do please ask. If you want to come hang out in some nice weather we have an extra room. Again, I am so sorry, Eileen.
Ed
SCC Stage IV, BOT, T2N2bM0
Cisplatin/5FU x 3, 40 days radiation
Diagnosis 07/21/03 tx completed 10/08/03
Post Radiation Lower Motor Neuron Syndrome 3/08.
Cervical Spinal Stenosis 01/11
Cervical Myelitis 09/12
Thoracic Paraplegia 10/12
Dysautonomia 11/12
Hospice care 09/12-01/13.
COPD 01/14
Intermittent CHF 6/15
Feeding tube NPO 03/16
VFI 12/2016
ORN 12/2017
Cardiac Event 06/2018
Bilateral VFI 01/2021
Thoracotomy Bilobectomy 01/2022
Bilateral VFI 05/2022
Total Laryngectomy 01/2023
| | | | | Joined: Jul 2009 Posts: 453 "OCF Down Under" Platinum Member (300+ posts) | | "OCF Down Under" Platinum Member (300+ posts)
Joined: Jul 2009 Posts: 453 | Eileen, thankyou so much for sharing what you have written for Charlie. It truly shows the magic, loving relationship you were both so blessed to have. I wish there was some way I could make you feel better but I know only time will do that. Please know that we are all here for you. You and Charlie are in both our hearts and our minds. I'm so sorry for you loss.
Wife to Steve 43. DX 5 May 09. T4N2MO SCC tongue, floor of mouth, lymph nodes & jaw bone
No surgery
Teeth removed 06/07/2009
radiation 13/07/2009 x 7wks
chemo 15/07/2009 x 3 Cisplatin
last TX 28/08/2009
25/11/2009 PET-lymph node activity.
08/01/2010 CT Scan-ALL CLEAR
03/03/2010-Peg removed
01/2013 left side of Jaw removed and replaced with pectoral flap.
23/12/2020 scan show lesion in tongue
01/2021 SCC stage 3 base of tongue diagnosed
01/03/2021 chemotherapy started.
| | | | | Joined: Aug 2010 Posts: 75 Supporting Member (50+ posts) | | Supporting Member (50+ posts)
Joined: Aug 2010 Posts: 75 | You have helped me often with your insights and assistance on these forums-even in your responses to others. I feel helpless and wish I could do or say something for you now. I will take your good advice once again and treasure every moment I have now--thank you! Take care Eileen, will be thinking of you often!
CG to sp age 53
4/10 BOT IVb
6/10 Ttl Gloss Lrngectmy L Mndbltmy 5+ Nodes
7/10 Cispl & Rad
1/11 recur lung mets
2/11 Clin Tr Erb Carb 5FU last 5/11
7/11 Tumor growth began wkly Bleo, Taxol, Carbo
10/28/11 Hospice; Passed 11/7/11
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