My friends don't really call to do anything with me anymore, and I feel like I am begging if I call people. Maybe this is depression. My parents belong to a large church and even though I dont go (just not religious) they have had a lot of people calling them for updates on me and to wish me well which is great but I am SO isolated from people.

I just feel like I don't really have any true friends that care at all or even want to be around me. I try VERY hard to avoid the whole subject surrounding my illness because people get bored listening to your aches and pains and really, who cares about it anyway?

I guess I am venting because I dont know where else to go. Those of you on here who have husbands or wives or kids are so dang lucky. I never married and it wasnt for lack of trying to date or anything, I was just apparrently no ones cup of tea. I have no idea why and - yeah whatever it was never a big deal but being 40 and listening to everyone blab about how lucky they are to have their kids and spouses, I cant help but wonder why I have to do this alone, why I cant seem to build a decent base of friends, and why in the hell this had to happen to me in the first place. I am sick of making smart ass comments and trying to be funny and cavalier. I am also sick of day after day after day having to figure out how to cope when no one is there.
Not to mention the fact that never being much in the looks department to begin with, now I am gonna have these stupid scars and a stupid turkey wattle under my neck from the dissection that I have been told wont go away. Yeah. Thats just gonna add more fun to trying to be social when I look like a freak.

I guess I am in a bad bad place. Funny enough I woork in the healthcare field myself. I know too much about anti depressants to consider taking them, although I dont jusdge anyone that does, they arent for me. I dont know what is. Thanks for listening

Just remember you have a new family of friends here. And if people judge you, or pass you by because of a little waddle under your neck (repairable if you really wanted - not to big a deal) you really don't want to be with them anyway. Don't we teach our kids that it is what's inside that matters?

I have some single friends your age, never married. I never thought about them being lonely, they do not act like it. The seem to have rich lives, and I certainly don't think anything is wrong with them. Career took precedent in one case, in the other, she is so picky I can't believe she will ever find mister right. But there certainly isn't anything wrong with her.... Don't put being without a significant other on yourself.

I do empathize with your going through this treatment issue alone. That is tough. But even with a dedicated wife, I was depressed and withdrawn, and I was on "mother's little helpers" to keep my head on straight. If you are a healthcare person, you know that being "in a bad place" and real biological clinical depression, are two different things. And when it is happening to you , you cannot really make the right judgement that you are clinically depressed. There is no stigma to being on some seratonin re- uptake inhibitors. With all that you are dealing with, doing depression at the same time when there is something to help you through it, seems an unnecessary burden.

I can tell you that I weeded out my real friends from others in my treatment days. When we are sick with something serious, some people cannot deal with it. It reminds them of their own mortality and vulnerability to having something happen to them. Rather than support us, they keep their distance.... this crowd is no longer part of my circle. The true friends were there for me, put up with my moods, still cared about me even if I was treating them in less than kind ways... but I can count them on one hand. It wasn't easy to be my friend in those days.

And remember you can always vent her...

It's tough, Lisa, really tough. I can relate to some extent, as my husband and I are only children and we have no kids. We don't have much of a support system either. Gordon has me, but I've never felt so alone in my life.
Brian is right - you will find out who your friends really are in this situation. I have one friend I thought would be right in there pitching with me and I haven't seen her since Gordon's treatment began. Another one who lives a few doors away never even phones because she "doesn't want to bother us" and she "knows how busy we are". Translation - she doesn't want to deal with it. The friend who has been the most supportive is one who has recently completed 2 years of treatment for inflammatory breast cancer. You may end up being able to count the "true friends" on one hand, but they are worth their weight in gold. I really hope that you will find one person, just one, that you can trust enough to tell how you really feel. And you will find lots of support here. My heart goes out to you.
Anne

Lisa, you sound like a very intelligent, articulate person. You also sound like a great person to know and I wonder if there is some sort of cancer support group where you could talk to people with the same experience. (I sometimes think, here in NZ, that it would be easier to get breast cancer because there are support groups galore. I know no-one with oral cancer.)

You are so young to be going through this. You sound depressed - I've had cancer related depression so can understand oh so well where you are coming from.

After my first cancer I became depressed when I recovered, of all things. It's crazy:) Several people supported me when I was sick then backed off when I got better. I was still vulnerable and it hurt a lot. I took SRI antidepressants which were of great benefit to me. In fact I gained a sort of confidence I'd never had in my life before. So I can only sing the praises - although I'm trying to get off them now. I'm using cognitive behavioural therapy and spoke to a councillor who had been an experienced cancer nurse. She challenged my thinking.

You are not alone!

Lisa,

I was extremely handsome and popular before I got cancer(very humble too). I was a big shot career guy, very active in my local and regional community both politically and socially and had a TON of friends...very popular guy if do I say so myself...everybody knew me.

When I got sick the community I lived in was very supportive in a different way. It was "big news" in the local paper and it was a popular "fund raising" opportunity as people came out of the woodwork to write checks to help cover medical expenses etc...as you may've noticed I live in a small rural community much like Mayberry.

What I found though was when it came down to it, I had a ton of people I knew and very few friends. In fact, I could count the people that were "there" for me on one hand and really not use every digit. When it came down to it though...I felt totally alone as I had nobody that could relate to the thoughts and feelings I was having...or even to my situation as this was before I found OCF.

I have a wonderful family, my wife of 10 years and two small children and will say that it weighed very hard on me that they had to go through this experience because of me. The hardest thing I've ever done in life was tell my 7 year old son I had cancer and see him break down and cry and say "But Daddy I don't want you to die!"...that broke me. We still have him in counceling to help him deal with all that he's been through the past two years. Seeing the strain on my wife's face, even when she's trying to look strong, is something I still feel guilty about...knowing she had to go through it and pick up the shattered pieces of my children as well if I didn't make it.

What I'm trying to say, is the grass isn't as green on the other side. This is some tough shit to deal with no matter what the situation and I support using whatever means necessary to make it through. Reach out and find someone locally to be a caregiver...there are organizations out there that do just that...find them. But if you hear anything I say, hear this...USE US! Get on these forums to seek advice and support...Get on Facebook where many of us spend our time socializing and further developing relationships. I didn't find OCF until AFTER chemo/radiation and surgery...but the people here were instrumental in helping me cope with "the new normal" and also made me realize that the hand I was dealt wasn't impossible to win with.

Best wishes,

Eric

Lisa, you need some help. This isnt an easy thing to handle alone. Please go see your doc and get some anti-anxiety meds right away. Even if you dont think you need them, talk with the doc and see what they say.

Ive gone thru this 3 times and never once sat around asking 'WHY ME"? Sometimes life throws you a curve and you gotta pick yourself up and handle it even if you dont want to. Although I have children and was married a long long time ago, I still was pretty much alone the first 2 times. My kids were teenagers with their own agendas.

When ever you feel down, OCF will help support you. But people who dont help themselves cant be helped over a computer. Please see a therapist or someone who is familiar with all the stress cancer brings with it. Sometimes talking is the best medicine.

Some friends will unfortunately abandon you. Its like you are contagious. Dont be afraid to pick up the phone and go out. Enjoy simple things like a walk in the beautiful springtime weather. Its amazing how much good a walk in the park can do. You will meet so many new people and make alot of new friends with this journey. Who knows what the future holds. There are lots of single doctors out there

Dont even worry about scars. Thats something you have no control over. I used to be an attractive woman, now Im very far from that. Everyone who knows me, knows the real me and isnt affected by my looks. Ive had some strange looks given to me since my surgery, but Im still here which is the most important. Maybe down the road I can get some surgery to reconstruct my neck and jaw, but until that day comes, Im ok with how I am. I walk thru the park with my head held high and let people stare all they want. If they want to ask me about it, I would gladly tell them Im a 3x cancer survivor who is lucky to be here.

Best of luck with everything. Please keep posting, it will help.

Lisa,

Carol's support group is me and our four-legged kids. Her brother lives on the west coast but calls once a week, which boosts Carol's spirits. Our good friends moved to Georgia, a 7 hr drive, but they call when they can (more financial than "they can't be bothered"). And our landlord comes by once a week asking if there's anything Carol needs. (Rent free would be nice, LOL.) I'll run into someone at the store saying they have been meaning to stop by....I quit telling Carol I ran into them, she would say screw them, but I knew it upset her. These were friends Carol had helped when they needed it. And as a caregiver my support group is a phone call to my Mom who lives up North. All these people say Carol's in good hands, but "what if?", I shudder to think and block it from my mind.

It is unfortunately very true a person can count their true friends on one hand....some say 2 is a real blessing.

Oral cancer is a hard disease to go through, both physically and emotionally, no one should have to go through it alone. People can be so selfish....I want to reach out and bop them in the head!

Linda

Hi Lisa. I feel how lonely and sad you feel just reading your post. Don't give up on finding Mr. Right and good for you for not settling. I am my husband's first wife and he was 45 when we got married. He was never engaged and never lived with anyone. I remind him every once in a while that it just took him longer to find the "perfect" wife for himself. I know it must be lonely going through this without a lot of friends and family to support you. As a caregiver I also felt very lonely and frustrated during John's treatments. People I work with stopped asking how he was doing, his 2 sisters who live 10 minutes away never called and people who I thought were friends just didn't bother. We fortunately had my sister, brother, sister in law and John's best friend who helped with getting John back and forth to treatments.

I lost my mom 2 1/2 years ago to pancreatic cancer and I don't really have any close girlfriends so it was a very, very lonely time for me also. I guess sometimes people don't know what to say or do so they don't do anything.

If you are on Facebook, let me know what your full name is on there and we can be Facebook friends. A lot of us on here have become Facebook friends and that helps to not feel so isolated. Keep posting and reaching out here and don't be afraid to ask for help or to ask for pharmaceutal help if you need it. Cancer is very depressing and I think it would be abnormal not to feel some depression.

Lisa,

You are getting some great advice here. I also think you should see your family doctor and tell him/her how lonely and isolated you feel. I went through a similar experience a year ago. I remember sobbing with my doctor, I felt like I had hit bottom and could not find my way out of that pit. I am on an antidepressant, and went to cognitive therapy, and also joined a support group for family members with cancer. All of it has made the difference. I feel like I got myself back.

This is the time for you to explore those things, that for years you had an interest in, but said "someday". You never know how a casual conversation can blossom into a lifelong friendship. You have much to offer others. You may not know what that is but with some time it will become clear. Don't give up.

OCF is a wonderful group of people who will support you always. I am looking forward to meeting some of my OCF buddies for the first time on April 24th when we will all participate in an event in Philly.

All my best--
Anita

Lisa

I'm a very tough guy and I cried when I read your post. There are no easy answers. You can see from all the advice given here that your story has touched many others. The only silver lining in this dark cloud is to realize that being abandoned by "friends" is all too common an occurence for oral cancer patients so you are NOT alone in that regard. Many of us who are blessed with caregivers supportive loved ones also feel very guilty about the pain we are inadvertently causing them. There is no good way to get oral cancer, not alone nor with the support of others. Take some time and read the stories here so you can start to believe that there is indeed a light at the end of this tunnel.
Keep the Faith
Charm

Lisa, I like you am alone and in a town where I don't know many people. I live alone and would love company beside my sister or my kids to talk to. I go outside and work in my yard os wax my car to death to keep my mind working and give myself something to keep busy and not think much. I like Eric was very active where I lived and was dumb enough to leave my wife . I am still popular in the city I grew up in and always a ladys man which was probably my downfall. I can feel your lonely pangs and have them too. My mistake was letting other body parts do my thinking for my brain. LOL. NOw when I visit my kids or ex, if they have something that needs repaired , I bring it home and do it for them. I just wire brushed and repainted my ex's outside portion of central air. I took it to her and put it back together last nite between the storms we had. Hey, do you need a handyman? LOL.. keeping busy is my salvation. Good luck and I hope you become happier as the days go on. I will live to be 100 one way or another. Keep smiling and make people wonder..

Lisa, you may think you're alone but you're not. You have all of us.

Years before my cancer I went through serious depression bouts. At that time Prozac was the best SSRI and I was on it twice for fairly long periods. I can honestly say that it likely saved my life at one point. I would urge you to speak with your docs about one of the newer ones and not be afraid to try one. I think it would really help.

Like you I went through my cancer last year alone. I will say though that my friends were great. But I found it ultimately more important to prove that I could get through it by myself. Stubborn I guess.

I don't do the Facebook thing but please feel free to message me here if you'd like to communicate, to vent, to whatever.

We're all here for you.

David 2

Hi Lisa,
I am new to the site, having been diagnosed with tongue cancer in December and surgery for a partial glossectomy in March. I, too feel sad. Mainly because I talk funny and have a big "goiter" on my neck from the radical dissection I had. I also have trouble eating and have to clear the space under my tongue with my finger after I eat.

But even though I am clearly a mess, I think of all the good stuff in my life. Just today, I looked out the window and the rainy Colorado day turned to sun. The brown winter ground has begun to come alive in little sprinklings of green. This is my favorite time of year and I can't wait until shorts weather.

I recently bought some scarves and sleeveless turtlenecks at Ross and most people at work tell me I look good. Although they are not "true" friends, they are supportive and comforting. So I say, if you are not too busy or tired this week, go out and get a nice scarf and take that walk in the park like Christine suggested. And definitely visit this site often. It helps me every day!

Barb

Hello Lisa,

I am so sorry to hear you are having such a hard time. I have been battling this disease since 2004 and i know how lonely it can be. I was married at 18, but divorced by 24 and i never remarried. i have dated, but finding that special guy has been an impossible task. I am someone as well who isn't all that blessed in the "looks dept". Most of my life i was extremely overweight (i weighed 365 lbs at one point). i have since lost about 180 lbs, but still have weight to lose. Most men look at me and pass, throw in i have been battling this disease since 2004 and i have a better chance of hitting the mega million or getting hit by lighting then finging Mr. Wonderful!

I have lost friends, and i am battling fear and saddness right now. But i refuse to let it keep me down for long. I am alive and the battle aint over yet. everyday brings a new chance for something good to happen and a new chance for me to meet someone new. I seem to cry all the time right now, but i wipe my tears away put on my tennis shoes and go to the gym. Sometimes I just take a walk outside and breath the clean air and feel the sun on my face.

And like everyone else has said to you, you are not alone. you have everyone on this site who cares about you.

Please keep in touch and keep coming back to this site. I may not have answers for you, but I am here to listen anytime.

Take care
Gina

The family on this site are what make me smile and know I have friends worldwide that care about me and all of us. You have thousands of us that really do care and we express our feelings the way we feel about each member. We don't care about size, looks, how smart each of us are or anything but good thoughts and feelings for each of us. Some of us say what we think and not just things that make one feel out of place with our words. We all have that Love all feeling. Heck. I love each and everyone of the members and just hope to some day meet a few in person. Have a great day and a better tomorrow.

Lisa,
I am married and have two wonderful small children and yet I still felt alone dealing with this. I think in part is that I still had to take care of the kids because I did not get much help from my spouse until I got down right ugly with him and told he had to start taking care of the kids. I say that to tell you that the grass is not always greener. I felt that if I were single it would have benn easier cause I just would have myself to take care of and not two litte kids and a husband. We go through a lot with this stuff and even when treatment is over we still have to be diligent about our care because it is really never over. Just know that it is okay to vent here and as we all care and have all felt a little bit of what you are feeling now. No one can understand better how we feel than those that have been through it. This is the best place.

Thanks you guys I was really having a low time when I last posted this, it is SO nice to have found this site, even at my oncologists office it seems like all the posters and magazines laying around are geared towards breast and prostate cancer and they have a "women's" cancer support group as well which i dont think i will be wrong to presume will be largely composed of breast cancer patients and survivors. See, the thing about that is that the lady who has radiation right before me has breast cancer and sometimes i feel SO guilty when I see her come out of the dressing room because I have a full set of healthy 44 DD boobs and more hair (on my head) than God should have ever gave to one person.

SO- having hair and boobs might not make me fit in super well at a women's cancer support group.

I have my sense of humor back a little bit today, largely because you guys responded. Today was my 9th radiation treatment and I am having a lot of trouble swallowing as the night goes on, and am starting to feel sore in the throat, so I think the "good" days when I could eat are just about over again.

To add more to my story- I AM a professional therapist. So I know about depression, anti-depressants and spend very large chunks of my day helping folks treat their illness. I am very rarely in a place where I feel sorry for myself,I have struggled with feeling lonely all of my life so this isn't anything new, just exacerbated by the fact that there are so few during such a sucky time of life. I dont think its self pity to say this shit sucks is it? IT SUCKS!!! For everyone!

anyway, I am on facebook and havent found any forums for oral cancer or maybe I just didn't know how to look on there. I mostly do farmville haha. I do post updates for folks to see how things are going but again- I think that is getting REALLY lame it makes me feel like an old lady complaining about her bowel movements- YAWN

It is so awesome to have found you guys- thanks!

Anyhow- Thanks again and if anyone wants to add me on facebook its Lisa Petersen (from Kalispell Montana)

Hi Lisa,

I am a widow and lived alone also when I was diagnosed with oral cancer under my tongue and then into my lymph nodes. My daughter, who is an R.N., moved from Kansas to "take care of me". It sounds good, but.... She made sure I had someone go to radiation with me everyday but other than that she has been more of a nuisance than a help. She is a former drug addict addicted now to narcotics anonymous. She goes to 3-4 (or more) meetings a week, leaving me home without my car. Now she got a full time job so she leaves me without a car even more. I am watching the Suns pulverize the Trailblazers right now at home, which is great, but in order for me to have my own car tomorrow I have to take her to work at 6:00 A.M.

Plus she is a religious fanatic who blows me off if I ever complain or worry about recurrence by saying "God will take care of you." When I answer back, why did God even give me cancer, that wasn't a very "loving God", the fight begins.

And the fact that no one understands oral cancer is another problem. I don't post much because I don't even know what the T1 and all that is. I just know what I've gone through and that I was told I was stage IV and that's no good. My own mother had breast cancer and she had a lumpectomy and radiation, no chemo, and she has made it five years and is okay. And yet, like you say, the research goes on and on for breast cancer and no mention of oral cancer. So my mom tells me, "They only radiate you for 20 seconds" when I was told I had to have radiation and chemo. Well, they might only radiate boobs for a short time, but I was nailed to the table for 15-20 minutes every radiation treatment.

Not only that, but most other cancers don't show for all the world to see like our oral cancer does. I have the crooked smile, no teeth, and the ugly neck and it has basically ruined my social life. I feel connected to your loneliness completely. My family seems to think that food has to be associated with everything and since I have no teeth yet I don't want to go out to eat and watch everyone enjoy their steak.

But I am going to Vegas to see Cher next month and trying to plan some other vacations, maybe New York, while I'm feeling well. And hopefully I can get dentures made next month. I started getting them but my gums were just too sore so the dentist is making me wait another month and try again.

I hope you are feeling better. I'm gonna add you to facebook. I'm Barbara Pool on there.

Lisa, no question that we're in the minority at the docs' offices. I did strike up a daily relationship with a guy (prostate) and his wife. Until I couldn't talk any more of course. But it's unquestionably a lonely experience and I can only hope your doctors, nurses and radiation techs are helping you cope.

Great to see your humor coming back! That is key. I have a lifelong friend here in town with whom I'm as close as I am to anyone, and when I started this mess I told him this: "If you ever stop making jokes about my cancer I'm going to take a break from dying and drive over there and kill you." No danger of that, he's a professional humorist and we kept the black humor flowing throughout and to this day.

This shit definitely sucks.

But then you get through to the other side, and the unbelievable feeling of having survived the worst makes every moment of every day its own miracle. And that's something we'll all have, always.

As for you, Barbara - man, I'm sorry to read your post. To have someone so close to you be a burden instead of a help... I can't imagine it. And yes, those daily 20 minutes stuck like a dead butterfly to the radiation table sure are a peach, ain't they!

But I'm glad you're getting out of town. Hope you win big in Vegas!

Both of you, please continue to update us.

Courage!
D2

Lisa , I love that sense of humor you possess. LOL You sound like my female counterpart. If I can't make a few laugh everyday, then it was a wasted day. Geez and I don't have any boobs either. LOL But do have hair which I never lost. Keep em smilin.

Wow, Lisa, there are 459 Lisa Petersens on Facebook!!! There are only 114 Barbara Pools - lol. But mine comes up first as Barbara Bufford Pool. Can you send me an invitation so I know which Lisa Petersen you are?

I never lost my hair either which was such a disappointment to my granddaughter. She had heard that the Cancer Society in Phoenix gives free wigs and she was dying to take me down there and help me pick out a wig. I can only imagine what she would have gotten for me. But we never had to go 'cause my hair didn't fall out, it just got some crazy kinks in it here and there.

Hi Lisa:

If you'll go to the "Search" box (top right), and type in "Facebook," you'll see that ChristineB has compiled a long list of members with their OCF and Facebook names posted. It's really easy to find someone by using her list.
Welcome,
julieann

Hi, Lisa,

I also could not find you on FB and would like to add you to my friends list. Can you please find me? I am on Christine's list, too. Anita McGinn-Natali is my name.

Anita

Hi Lisa,
I have been following your posts and think I have found you on facebook. If that is you with the elk on the back of a truck I have just sent a friend request :-))
Gabriele

Barbara, Julieanne and Anita,
Could have been embarrassing but it was the right Lisa
We are now friends so you can find her by checking my friends on FB

Lisa - I know what you mean. It is very very isolating this disease... and you are in the throws of it but it won't be like this forever... It doesn
t have to miserable. Just think of this as a new and interesting chapter in your life. You will definitely figure out who your true friends are and you will make new friends. One of my new friends was actually the nurse who took care of me after I got out of the ICU. I couldn't talk- had tubes coming out of every direction but somehow we made a connection and I am still friends with her to this day.

It is definitely a test of your spirit and character this cancer. Its such a huge change in your life.. and no one can really relate to it. Its hard for people to even fathom what it would be liek to not be able to speak clearly or not be able to eat or to have to figure out how to swallow again.. or live with scars on our faces necks arms legs... these are all things they take for granted.

Just try and stay positive and look around for things that inspire you and you will keep your true friends close and also attract new and interesting people who aren't self absorbed or superficial but empathetic to what you have endured.

You are a tough cookie! You made it through all these treatments. You should feel proud of what you have accomplished.

Don't limit yourself with limiting thoughts.... There is still a lot of possibility in your life. You are 38 years young!!! I'm 36 turning 37. I'm married but don't have kids yet. It is weird how people do that.... make otehres feel weird about not being married or not having children...I don't agree with it and I think its plain wrong. I think everyone in this world married not married kids or no kids have something valuable and meaningful to contribute... in small ways and big ways.

Be good to yourself-- I know its hard to pick youself up and recover from these treatments and find a new path. I relaly do. I've had friends not reach out to me- or blow me off and it hurts me it relaly does - but its thier loss really.

I bet you are more of an inspiration to the people around you than you know.
Gravitate to the people who love and respect you and forget the others!

Thanks Gabe. Lisa, I sent you a friends invitation for facebook. I am having a colonoscopy today - fun! lol I hear the worst part was yesterday drinking that gallon of yukky stuff and I did that so... Made it through radiation and chemo. What an interesting year my 63rd has been.

You guys are great! Today sucks. BAD. My Oncologist who is Mr. Personality to begin with (NOT) informed me today that he had presented my case at something called "the Tumor Board". They all agreed that even though I had teeny tiny tumors in my lymphs that I should get chemo.

I DONT WANT TO LOSE MY HAIR!!!! It's all I got in life. I didn't get graced with a pretty face but God gave me a full head of hair that never saw a bad day. I have been able to weather this shit pretty well so far but the thought of pulling out handfuls of my curls is more than I can handle. Maybe that sounds stupid but I have enough issues around my looks (cant ya tell) that I just feel like losing the only asset I have is more than I can bear.

I am going to add every one of you to my facebook page. I need all the support I can get right now. I think for today I am going to go have a beer and try to forget that I am sick for a few minutes. Glad you guys are here!

Lisa, please relax. Not all chemo causes hair loss. I was also worried about losing my hair, it never happened. I understand how upsetting this whole thing can be, as a woman its devastating to lose your hair.

It really will be ok. If losing hair is the worst that happens with this then it isnt so bad. Hair will grow back.

In the friends section, I made a list of OCF members who are on facebook. You have already became my friend there. Your picture is nothing like the person you describe. There is absolutely nothing wrong with how you look. Give yourself a break and try not to be so hard on yourself.

Its ok to do exactly what you wrote, forget about being sick. Cancer is like a theif, it steals your time and zaps your energy. Try not to let cancer steal the good moments from you. Make some time everyday to do soemthing that you enjoy. Even if its something as little as taking a walk and seeing all the spring flowers.

Lisa, I totally agree with Christine about not letting cancer steal your good moments. I get that's hard to do but it's worth trying. It is so understandable that you would be upset about losing your hair but it absolutely will grow back. Most of the chemo used for this kind of treatment doesn't create the kind of hair loss you are talking about.

I am not the one whose body this is happening to but I was relieved that they were giving my husband chemo. I think anything that helps to be sure this is out of your body is a good thing.
I think it's great how open you are here about your concerns. Keep posting.

You will probably be given Cisplatin and that will not cause you to loose you hair. Now that said, you do need to understand that you do not have a bad case of the flu. What you do have is a cancer that will kill you as in dead if it's not treated aggressively. So stop worrying about small stuff and get on board with killing this cancer before it kills you.

Hi Lisa. Like others here said, not all chemo makes you loose your hair. My husband had Cisplatin once a week for 7 weeks. His hair thinned a little but not enough that anyone else noticed. John's doctor said that the chemo enhances the radiation. The way John's doctors all explained it was that they wanted to blast him with everything they could to prevent it from coming back. Hang in there!

Thanks, Gabe. I just sent her a friend request.
julieann

I lost most of my hair (I had Cisplatin as well) but has grown back very soft and curly. Until it grew back, I spent the winter wearing berets. I had all different colors to match different outfits. Losing your hair isn't the worse thing that can happen, evn though it seems to add insult to injury. If having the chemo has kept the cancer away, losing my hair was a small price to pay!

Hi Lisa,
There isn't much more I can say that hasn't already been said. I am new to this site and on my third round of head and neck cancer. I am married and have a 22 year old daughter but I still feel extremely alone most of the time simply because no one can relate to what I am feeling or going through. Oh they feel bad and say they are sorry that I have to go through this, but that doesn't help.

What I want to tell you though, is that I am 44 years old. I had my daughter at age 21 and raised her alone. I met my husband just over 4 years ago on an onine dating site. We will be celebrating our 3rd anniversary this November. This is the first marriage for both of us and I truly believe we are soulmates! So what I am telling you is it can happen. Never lose hope and explore your options (once you are feeling better). And any man that you find after you've been through all of this will be very special because he will accept you, even love you, in spite of all the scars, loose skin, etc. We only get better with age!!