I don't have a big problem w/Oprah, but her statement is similar to those who comment that someone survived because of the power of prayer. While I am a firm believer in the power of prayer, I don't believe that my 61 year old mother died thirty years ago of ovarian cancer because we didn't pray hard enough! Prayers have certainly helped me coping with oral cancer, but I don't believe that if I don't make it, it will be because someone didn't pray hard enough.

Just to play devils advocate, I agree with what you all say about the comment that Oprah made. We all know there are many factors involved with survival from this disease and there are many wives that are there by their husbands side every second of the day but unfortunately the cancer is far too strong. There could be many theories why Roger survived- the stage of his cancer, the way it spread in his body, his immune system, his ability to seek the best care because of his celebrity, his drive and determination, and maybe his wife did play a small part in all of those things combined. He wanted to live not only for himself but for her. But all of those factors alone do not determine survival. They all have to work together.

I don't feel that the segment yesterday was completely ruined by her comment. I think Oprah just gave his wife 2 seconds of gratitude and showed the public that hey- not only is this extremely hard on Robert, but it's hard on his loved ones as well. I thought overall this segment was great. We need more people like Roger to come out from hiding and show the public how this cancer can effect your life. We say this over and over again- our battle is not about finding "the cure" right now. We need to focus on awareness. Because when found early- people survive. We need to public to know about oral cancer, to know that it exists, and to be proactive and get screened every year.

Finally, I want to end with a few quotes that Robert said on the show because I felt that they were extremely important.

- "I believe that if, at the end of it all, we have done something to make others a little happier, and something to make ourselves a little happier, that is about the best we can do. To make others less happy is a crime. To... make ourselves unhappy is where all crime starts. We must try to contribute joy to the world. That is true no matter what our problems, our health, our circumstances. We must try."

- " I will not go through any more surgeries to re-construct my face. I am done. I am never going to eat or speak again so there is no point for the surgery. This is the way that I look, and my life is happy and productive. Ive come to accept that. I am happy. "

Megan- I do agree that Ebert's segment was very good to call awareness to the disease and the disfigurement that can occur. Unless you have been a caregiver to a man that fought his ass off and died anyway you cannot understand what a stupid comment that was. I would have done anything to have saved my husnand and to infer that Ebert is still here because she "refused to let him die" is inappropriate and disrespectful to those of us who have actually lived the nightmare. Just my two cents but I'm sick of people who haven't walked in my shoes making assanine comments.

I agree Suemarie!!

Dear Suemarie,
I understand how you feel. If only our prayers and hopes could keep them here, they would still be here today. I didn't see the show but I did see that Roger Ebert was doing a spate of interviews lately, after being out of the "cancer spotlight" for quite a while. BTW, if I'm not mistaken Roger's cancer was originally salivary gland, which then spread. I am reaching 9 months since Ron died, and it has not gotten any easier at all. I'm not on this forum very much because it still hurts so much, but I still care about all of you and think of you often. EZJim, I'm not surprised you're not a big Oprah fan. Did you ever really look at her audience? They all look like suburban Stepford wives, and they hang on her every word. Gives me the willies. Christine, I was so happy to see your post, and I hope you are doihg well. How is basic training treating your son? Best to everyone.
Lori

You know Sue & Lori....I never thought of it that way before but you are sooooooo right. That really was a stupid comment. Personally I had chalked up that comment to being a bit of dramatic flair as everyone here knows that she could not personally "refuse to let him die". I was happy however that they acknowledged the role of the caregiver, but you are so very right that particular comment really is a stupid one.

Good to see you again Lori. Patients and other caregivers certainly benefit from having people like you and Sue pop in and help out so WHEN you feel up to it, we look forward to hearing more from you.

In the meantime - be kind to yourselves. As caregivers extrodinaire, you truly are doing God's work and you are appreciated.

Donna

I believe that positive thinking and actions would have to be included in prayers. After all, the mind controls what we do and how we think. I like the prayers and will never disrespect them. I have been given up for going to die more than once , but I am hardheaded and keep my mind busy thinking positive which I can say is silent praying.