Being stable and not self indulgent is a "self imposed" caregiver rule. In my experience, it does not work very well. What did work for us [after some trial and error] was "You have a serious illness and I am very scared". That cleared the way for us to have many heart to heart communications about what we were dealing with and what might present itself in the future. This is a tough road to travel and in our experience, honesty is the best policy. Amy in the Ozarks