Words are insufficient. We on this board know that it could be any of us. Give yourself permission to be ANGRY - it's too unfair. It sucks, it is not right. Why should this be happening to a good person like you? I don't know the answer. Don't torture yourself with should haves or could haves.
It will get worse not better. Sometimes Death is a relief.
You have our sympathy and my prayers. Vent all you want here, you will not get the standard nonsense from well meaning but clueless people. It is not for any reason we can discern You don't have to be strong. Just be