Bonnie,
Welcome to some comfort and help from this site. I just went through my husbands second surgery yesterday. Tom's first surgery was not to remove cancer but a "cyst" that we later found out to be a tumor. Tom has SCC, r. tonsil primary, and the second surgery was to do a modified radical. Doc also located some tissue on his tonge that looked suspicious. So that may come back with cancer and doc said they would hit it harder with the radiation treatment coming up in a few weeks.
My experience was and is probably much like your family's. Shock, disbelief, afaid. But now Tom and I see that there is so much hope and while your life does change, slurred speak, can't eat the 3" hamburger, but 1" gets down fine. We are begining to learn we are stronger than we thought. Also we are in a hospital this time that has a team and finding we are learning what questions to ask. I would say the most important thing is to get your questions answered until you understand the answers. I have had to learn to be brave and ask again, until I understand, and our docs have all done a great job answering our questions. We did get more than one opinion, but in the end it was the same course of treatment. I must say, at this point, I feel very comfortable and pleased. You'll get to know what your level of comfort is and will get through this experience too.
Best Wishes to you and yours,