As I posted in a different thread, I have a swelling in my neck which I saw my oncologist surgeon for on Friday. He is going to do a cat scan to see what is up - could be lymph edema. He said he doesn't feel any tumour there but wants the CT.

I thought I was okay - calm - with this - then I started to read some other posts on here about how that part of the neck is a common place for the cancer to come back, about what has happened to others (not good), and I just freaked. Since then I have not been able to get past 30 seconds without that gut wrenching death fear settling in my gut.

I have been through two treatments for his horrid monster and I keep telling myself all the things I know are true - about not letting cancer steal today, about how its not cancer until they say it is, etc, etc, yet nothing is touching that knot in my gut this time.

I don't want it to be back. I don'r want to die. I am scared.

Donna