Sue, Denise and Michelle,
I sat here today and read through your posts. At first it is what I would have expected. But then, as I read it over and over again, I could feel all the pain which you obviously go through on a daily basis. Then I started to feel guilty about the way I feel, AND I HAVE O/C. But the truth is, both caregiver and patient share lot of the same feelings. Maybe in some cases, a slightly different way, but in my case, the exact same way. I feel all the things you speak of. The only difference I can see is that I am the one who has to suffer the actual physical side affects of treatment. From the mental side of things, I think it is much the same.
I as well know that I have a 50-50 shot at making it through all of this. I find solice in two things.
1. The most recent studies on newer techniques and drugs such as
Erbitux are not in yet and will not be in until they see how WE do. Hopefully what they are doing today have a better mortality rate than that of 5 years ago. We shall have to wait and see.
2. I have had 2 family members who should have died according to the doctors. The one lived a long time and died of something else. ( OLD AGE ) The other, still has cancer, but has lived 18 years past his original prognosis. I have had two other family members who have beaten cancer. SO we are a stubborn bunch!!!!
In closing I would like to thank you both for sharing your experiences and being so honest. I would also say that our friends offer a wonderful source of comfort but at times, only to a point. Our biological family offers even more comfort and help. They offer things that no one else would even consider. But there are times when they do not know how to handle things when you are having a really bad day. But the family I have gained here at OCF, they never cease to amaze me. No matter the time of day, good days or bad, they are always there for you and will continue to be so as long as you need them. This is where I find the most solice of all.
Thanks for listening,
John