Lily,
I wish I knew what to say. What you are having to deal with is beyond my realm of understanding and knowledge. I do know that I will pray for you and your family. My youngest was 9 when I was diagnosed. I can't imagine her having to deal with the emotions your 9 year old must be feeling. Take comfort that kids are pretty resiliant and that she will get through this.
Minnie

SCC Left Mandible. Jaw replaced with bone from leg. Neck disection, 37 radiation treatments. Recurrence 8-28-07, stage 2, tongue. One third of tongue removed 10-4-07. 5-23-08 chemo started for tumor behind swallowing passage, Our good friend and much loved OCF member Minnie has been lost to the disease (RIP 10-29-08). We will all miss her greatly.