betty,

sorry about your sister. i know how difficult it is to be going through this from a distance. i'm in a similar situation. my sister lives in los angeles and i'm in toronto. although i go there from time to time to be the caregiver and temporarily relieve others, my life situation doesn't allow me to be there for long periods at a time. i find that frustrating. but i've found that i can play an important and necessary role from this distance. i have more time than everybody else who's involved in the day-to-day caregiving to find information, to read ahead, think about and understand potential scenarios, and generally act as a resource person for my family. not surprisingly, the distance allows me to look at the bigger picture as i'm not totally overwhelmed with the immediate circumstances. sometimes i'm off, but more often my input from here seems to be helpful. from your description, you're the younger person in the family, and given your presence on this board, clearly the more resourceful person. i think it is important that you collect as much precise information as possible about her condition and treatment. you may be overwhelmed initially, as i found myself to be, but soon you'll find yourself in a better position to navigate thruogh difficult decisions and confusing circumstances. as others have suggested, it would probably be helpful also to draw up a list of short-term and long-term questions that you have at this point and pitch them to your sister's doctors and to this board.

it is great that you're going to spend time with your sister, perhaps particularly because you've been estranged for a while. the rekindling of love will be positive for all of you, though i'm sure it'll be a bumpy road. so, i also want to echo what ed and cathy have already said: think about ways in which you can take care of yourself, and perhaps think about what mechanisms you can put in place to give yourself a break when you're with your sister. be proactive in this regard because once you're there you may not get the chance to figure things out. family dynamics can make caregiving an even more complex work. i've learned this from my own experience.

feelings of anxiety, fear, confusion, frustration, etc. are normal. what helped me sort through this stuff was reading through stuff and connecting with people on this board, but also connecting with a cancer support network in my city <http://wellspring.ca/home.html> i found it very helpful to talk through things to volunteer counsellors who themselves have first-hand experience as survivors and/or caregivers. perhaps you would benefit from connecting to a similar network if there is one where you are. none of us are ever prepared for this situation, and going from nothing to emergency response is a trip at lightening speed. you're doing the best thing you can for your sister by connecting with people who know the road. i hope you may take solace in that.

good thoughts, healing and peace.

gita