It is now one week since i came home.The first few days i threw myself into cleaning,gardening visiting the family and although i go to sleep quite well i wake at 4.30 am and watch tv or take the dog for a walk.I got frequent text messages from Robs family asking if i was ok and reassuring me that i had,done the right thing and all the week i heard nothing from Robin.On Saturday i had my 7 month old Grandaughter for the night and on Sunday my Mum amd my Son and his other half came over and we had a barbecue.They all went home at 4pm, and i washed up and walked out into the garden.The sun was shining the garden looks brilliant and i picked up one of Josies toys and sat down in the chair.Then the tears came.The first since i came home and now i am in bits.I havent eaten much since i came home now i feel sick in my stomach and am on the verge of tears all the time.I feel like i guess i would if he had died but i know he is still here and i am consumed with guilt and worry about how he is managing,even his family havent contacted me since Friday.Why am i so pathetic,i was even convinced he would ring and ask me to go back for his cancer centre appointment on Thursday to such an extent that i told my son i wouldnt be able to have Josie for the day.Someone out there deliver me a hearty slap and tell me to pull myself together(anyone except Petey who's PM hit home ; thanks)