Read my post "Am i a monster"and you will see your reaction is very very normal.The difference is that instead of keeping it in and letting it fester,you have had the courage to put it into words.Once you have done that hopefully you will find it doesnt seem so bad.I still alternate between loving the bones of Robin, and hating the cancer and him along with it because of the impact it has had on both our lives.Every day is different at the moment 14 days post radiotherapy .In the morning he will be as bright as a button ,lunchtime sleepy and depressed,afternoon crabby and snappy,and the only thing he will say is that he is tired of this battle because he never feels as if he is winning the war.Like you he wants everything to go back to normal and he gets angry, stubborn and defiant of instructions from the doctors all in equal measure.I am the nearest thing he has to target for these feelings , and he aims and fires frequently.I have cried yelled pleaded and at the end of the day he seems as if he has taken my comments on board then turns round and does exactly as he pleases.You must try to protect the children from his moods though because they will get as resentful of his illness as he is.It is a hard road to travel ,make sure you use the experience of every one here who has walked the road before either of us.
Liz in the uk


Liz in the UK

Husband Robin aged 44 years Dx 8th Dec 2006 poorly differentiated SCC tongue with met to neck T1N2cM0 Surgery and Radiation.Finished TX April 2007
Recurrence June/07 died July 29th/07.

Never take your eye off the ball, it may just smack you in the mouth.