Jennie,
I hope you are feeling better.
I found myself in a similar situation. When all the hub-bub of Mike's treatment ended on 09/28/06 I thought I'd be rejoicing, dancing, jumping up and down,,,, well I was happy he did so well and glad and proud of him, but there was a wall built up that wouldn't let the relief and rejoice out. Cautiously optimistic was the best I could say. I gradually became moody and extremely emotional over things. The weather too effects me and we have had lots of gloomy, rainy days.
It seemed like I was really falling into a pit. I didn't want to do anything. Didn't care about fixing up my hair, what jewelry to wear, none the normal things that were part of me.
I have a full time job and I think that kept me from getting worse. Although I was just going through the motions, occasionally someone would make me laugh, or something interesting would come up.
It's funny too, it was my Mom as well, that made me start to feel better. She made me just say out loud everything that I would think about. Old stuff from the beginning of treatment, things that troubled me before even if it didn't at present, just everything. I started to feel better after getting all that off my chest.
And guess what? Today Mike got his peg tube out! When the drugs wore off enough for him to stand up, I got to hug him for the first time, belly to belly. It was 4 long months of lean to him hugs so I didn't bump the peg tube. Being able to have a full hug, that wall came down and all the happy and rejoicing finally came out! It came out in sobs and tears and felt so good to feel relief!
Please keep us posted on how you are doing, ok?