Doreen, I don't think you should feel ashamed. Even while you were not the patient, you too have suffered loss. It takes a while to get back to normal even for the caregiver/significant other. I won't say you need therapy but talking this out with a trusted friend might help.

Mark, 21 Year survivor, SCC right tonsil, 3 nodes positive, one with extra-capsular spread. I never asked what stage (would have scared me anyway) Right side tonsillectomy, radical neck dissection right side, maximum radiation to both sides, no chemo, no PEG, age 40 when diagnosed.