Doreen,You need a lot of hugs- this is a very tough life issue to deal with and it takes a hugh amount of strenght and fortitude. Maybe this will help-I want you to think about our families who are dealing with family members overseas[in Iraq, Afganstan and elsewhere]who are also praying every day that there is no bad news. I truly believe that life demands the strongest attitude to go forward from all of us- no guarentees it will be all roses! You are not being selfish- just human- Picture us holding your hand and supporting you as best we can. Take care of yourself and try to rejoice in present victories more that past memories. Amy