Last Tuesday my father got the news that the chemo/radiation got the cancer. Yes, very good news.
Did my father act happy? No.
My father needs to get off of morphine. He is having muscle spasms when he lays in bed at night, to the point where he hauls off and hits himself, or my mother.
He is also suffering from severe hallucinations. He'll appear to be wide awake, but sitting there talking to his brother, or my boyfriend about things that have never even happened.
It scares my mother. She took care of her mother while she was losing her battle with Alzheimers..and watched her have hallucinations. And I think my mother is linking the two together.

My father has also taken up smoking again. I can't begin to explain to anyone how much this hurts me. And for so many different reasons. It scares me, because that increases his reoccurance rate. It angers me, because after all the help and support myself and the rest of our family has given him, by him smoking again that is a big slap to the face.
I smoke. I do. But I'm 19. I haven't been smoking for 20 years like he had.

Well, today I caught him sneaking a cig in on the back porch, and I lost it. I really did. I don't know how to emotionally handle him smoking.
He has this mindset, "If her and her mother still smoke, why can't I? "
He told me that he'd quit when I quit. And how do I know I don't have cancer already? Or my mother..

He's become belligerent.
He's pissed off at the world. He feels like he should be better by now, 100%, and it makes him so angry that he's not. Like the doctors are just lying to him..leading him on about getting better.

I don't know what to do. Sure, if I quit smoking it will benefit me. But not him, it will just make it harder for him to sneak around and smoke and not get caught.

I need my dad to get his health back. I need him to be the parent, instead of the other way around.