Cheryl,

I have not been through all that you have but I do feel hopeless often and I am always wondering if I can make i through the next day. It seems that everytime I think that I know what is supposed to happen I get it wrong. On top of that my husband is very angry about this and I am the person who gets chewed out, cursed at, and blamed on most days.

I have a friend who is also a councellor and she is what keeps me from falling apart. Do you have someone who you can call or write to when you need it? I have also found that I sometimes have to find someone else to come and watch over things for a while and I have to go and find something that has nothing to do with cancer and won't make me think about it.

I have found that writing is a very good outlet for frustration but nothing I ever does ever makes it really go away. It just allows me to regroup.

I do not know if I have the strength to make it all of the way through this. Sometimes I think I might but most times I don't. But my friends and especially those closest to me say that they know I can do it. They think I have the strength and I sure would hate to let everyone down.

Maybe they know something that I just can't see inside my narrow world here. But I can tell you that I hope they are right.

I hope you have a friend or someone who can help you up when you are feeling like this. I know that we are always here on this board and if it works as a good outlet for you then let the epithets fly. We are listening and we understand.

Good Luck to you and your husband and I hope that all works out.

Cindy