Hello All,

Just came back from my dad's radiologist check-up. Just to recap, diagnosed with SCC right tonsil 6/03. Doctors wanted a mediport and feeding tube inserted. That he did. 38 IMRT treatments with chemo (cisplatin and 5FU). 40 HBO treatments. New tumor diagnosed 7/04. Began 2nd round of chemo(taxol with carboplatin) in August of this year.

Anyway we went today for a routine check-up. Said all is as good as it can get. I then asked him about working on his Trismus and his swallowing. It's been 20 months since feeding tube was inserted. Was told the damage is too much. He will never eat or drink by mouth again. I feel like all the air has been let out of me. All along, I've been telling him to hang on. We'll get you eating soon. Just think how good the garden vegetables will taste next year. What an idiot!!! I could just feel his depression sink further (if its possible) after the doctor said those words. On one hand I appreciate his honesty. No one ever said that the feeding tube would not be reversed. But on the other hand, I almost wish we didn't know. This will only make him more resistant to keep up with the chemo. He's been more depressed than usual these last couple of weeks. Maybe deep down he already knew. Just said to me this morning "This is not a life." How do you argue with that?

Said he no longer wishes to go to the throat specialist. He would insert that scope thing down his nose to the effected area. That is the only way to monitor it. Can't open his mouth more than 3/4 of an inch anyway.

Sorry for the shitty attitude, but I just feel betrayed.

VickieM