Didier,

Cancer most certainly sucks. It is life-changing and all-consuming. There were times that I wanted so badly to talk about anything else but cancer, yet cancer and my late husband's upcoming treatments seemed to dominate every conversation. The little things that happen day to day didn't seem to matter anymore once cancer entered our lives.

I also recognized a lot of what you share in your post as things I have felt over the last year and a half. I felt that is was my duty to not let Scott see me "deflated and defeated," but ultimately, I couldn't keep up the act. I literally cried on his shoulder in the days before he died. I was so tired for me and for him.

Of course your parents are worried about you and you about them; consider letting your true feelings show. You've done an admirable job trying to boost their spirits and take care of them through this horrible ordeal. Maybe they need permission to let their guard down, too.

Christine