Hi, everyone. I just trick or treated for two hours with my kids and did not eat one piece of candy. I am so proud of myself . . . stress usually would make me eat lots of it . . . it was good to be out in the beautiful fall night with all the ghosts and goblins!

Dad looked better today as a great deal of swelling in his face and neck went away in 24 hours, BUT HE IS ANGRY!!!!! ANGRY ANGRY ANGRY! He wants out of there in the worst way and he is no where near doing so. He is up and walking two times a day, not far but it has been a big deal. He thinks he should be doing more, he wants to try to get up on his own, go to the bathroom. His good arm and shoulder is swollen and his pain level is a 9. He really can't get up but he threatens to try. Gee, we left him thinking he was going to take a nap, takes three people to get him in bed and 40 minutes later we return and he is back in the chair angry and demanding to walk. HE HAS FIGHT IN HIM AND I WANT THAT. . . but being so impatient is not helping. I will talk to him tomorrow . . .the nurses have been amazing. He is also angry because the inhalation therapist said he was getting a bit confused because maybe he was not getting enough oxygen . .. this happens but I think she could not understand what he was trying to say so he was really fine. He was all upset but I explained to here what he really needed and she apologized and really made him feel better. But when we left he just had this far away look in his eyes so I hope he behaves himself.

How do I help him to accept the fact he is there and to work with everyone? He is bored out of his mind as midday TV stinks. I am going to Target tomorrow and buying him a little DVD player so he can watch movies. They have a VCR at the hospital that was just sitting there . . .but who knows if he got it tonight or not. . . I just am afraid he may hurt himself by trying to get up and his biggest fear came true . . . losing use of his good arm, well for now. . . and he gave the DR. some heck about it but he had to use that shoulder blade to take the bone etc.. It is what had to be done and he feels like an invalid! Slowly but surely he will heal . . . he can at least raise his arm to his trach to talk.

HE has to just suck it up and deal with it . . . he has no choice, he has to do it for himself and for us . . . I guess I am starting to get angry too but at him. Of course he can't leave, making himself and us miserable is not going to help. Tomorrow will be a week since his surgery . . I don't even know what day it is anymore.

And I cannot take the trach sounds, I AM REALLY TRYING BECAUSE I WILL NEED TO HELP WITH THIS BUT IT MAKES ME WANT TO RUN AWAY AND HIDE!! My stepmom says she will be okay but I am afraid she will get so nervous. I have been thinking about this all day and maybe I am obsessing about it too much. He may not even go home with one but I have kids, I have dealt with poop and snot for 8 years but I am beside myself . . .



Love to all,

Laura