Hey everyone. Thanks as usual for the support. I didn't get to talk to anyone except his nurse. She said he'd woken up and he was alert. I am panicking because I am three hours behind where he is. I am not ready for him to be told that he has all this new, inoperable cancer. I am beside myself at how he is going to take the news. I want him to rest from the surgery and I want him to recover from this and be in good spirits. I don't want him to know yet.( at least for a few days- I want to express my concern for his fragilness-you know people diagnosed with cancer don't all prepare to die-they do get shocked- it's mind boggling how insensitive some humans are) I want him to be in a peaceful mind frame, not the "shotgun" blast to the face,again, and then the hospital send him home to think about his death until it comes. I am afraid my aunt is going to say the wrong thing. She was saying things today like he'd be better off if he just had a heart attack. "We are all going to go sometime." "Death is enevitable." I had to hang up on her and sit right where I was standing. I don't want her talking about death and what she thinks. I want to talk about his life. Petey you were right. I have been asking my dad about his old friends, trouble he got into when he was a kid, telling funny stories, looking at pictures. He knows I will talk about whatever he wants to talk about. We have a real mental connection. I swear we talk to each other without saying a word. My aunt is wonderful. I don't know what my dad would do without her, BUT she does say things that leave my dad just shaking his head. It has happened to me a few times- like this morning. I guess the brother-sister relationship is just different. I suppose like my brothers and me. And I would NEVER any bring up to my dad ANYTHING about that. I'll deal with that another day.
Well my aunt did tell me that the doctor told her that the trach would probably be permanent, because the one big tumor is going to cut off the breathing eventually. My aunt said she'd ask my dad if he would be ok with it permanently, but it sounds as if he is not going to have a choice. He had his feeding tube already, so this will stay the same. The doctor said he'll never put anything in his mouth again. My uncle asked how long they thought my dad had to live, and one doctor said he didn't like to say things like that. The doctor who did the surgery said she'd hope that he would still be around in six months. My aunt then told me she didn't think he'd be around in three. I am really going to get strong for him and will get all the info that I can get. I'm going there in a few days. For the record, this has been the sh*ttiest day of my life. Thank you and I really love you all and I think everyone here will be in every prayer of mine for the rest of my life.