Nelie,

You will be able to enjoy beautiful weather and all the good things in life again! A year ago I was way down in the pits, too, although I "only" had to endure a tonsillectomy and neck dissection followed by radiation. One hour, sometimes one minute was all I could stand to think about.

I willed myself to feel very proud of myself for every day I survived, for every sip of yoghurt I forced down and kept down, for every disgusting thing I endured. I know other people have lived through worse, but on the other hand I know now that I am a lot stronger than I thought I was. Nobody else but other survivors know what kind of hell you are living in now - you kmow we are all pulling for you, as Danny said.

Remember, this is a war you are fighting, and you want to give yourself every advantage you can. That includes allowing yoursef to rest as much as you need, and putting your body's needs first for now. Whining is fine1! You have the right to whine.

And I know it drives you up the wall to have people tell you you need to rest when you can't sleep more than an hour at a time.

Love, Leena