Tommorrow is a long day because I go for Amifostine then radiation then chemo number 2 all afternoon. And I thought I would feel rested up this weekend but instead I feel worse than when the weekend started and am just feeling weary and overwhelmed by the idea of 3.5 more weeks of radiation and two more chemos. I feel so yucky already.

It seems like this is the second weekend where my symptoms have worsened over the weekend. I guess maybe that's something I should expect. This weekend, the mucositis blisters inside my lips and cheeks seem to have remained about the same but I'm also having worse pain from my tongue and throat. I can't sleep for more than an hour or so without getting up to rinse with my saline/baking soda solution or take a dose of painkiller, or swab carafate on my lips, or if I don't do that, I am in severe pain when I wake up. And then I feel like I'm fighting some kind of bug--I'm headachey and was running a low fever earlier. Not a good feeling when about to begin more chemo!

It seems like there's way too much time to go until I'm done with treatment, given how awful I'm feeling already. So I'm trying not to think about the end at all because it seems too far away. And we have had such gorgeous weather outside this weekend which I have been completely unable to enjoy. It feels like I will never be able to enjoy something as simple as going out and working in the garden again.

In short, I just would like some encouragement here I think. Or any handy tips for how to get through this in terms of mental/emotional toughness. I feel like a real whiner compared to other people here but it's just where I am right now.

Nelie