Danielle, I feel a bit surprised when knowing that what you have heard about cancer are all horror stories. You must have missed many of the survivors' experience shared on this forum. I have been through intensive chemo/radiation treatment and what the previous posters mentioned are true. The pain is something tolerable and it is the doctor's job to reduce a patient's pain to the minimum. I also had my whole neck burned with occasional bleeding. People were scared and thought I was in enormous pain. I wasn't because I had the pain medicine to help me. Two years post treatment, I can assure you that no stranger can ever tell from my appearance that I am a cancer patient. Last week I was 'caught' by a cosmetic saleslady to analyse my skin. She realised a slight difference in colour between my face and neck but didn't notice anything abnormal. She just said I must be too lazy to take care of my neck and recommended a whitening lotion for me.
I also lost my voice for about a month but now I am teaching my students every day. Again my students do not feel anything strange about my voice even though sometimes it sounds hoarse.
I understand how a caregiver feels but please don't be too negative or feel absolutely desperate. Have a trust in the advanced medical technology that can lead your mother to the road of recovery.

Karen stage 4 tonsil cancer diagnosed in 9/01.