Ann Marie...I can practically FEEL your anxiety, and I wish I could come and take you for a long walk and let you talk and cry to your heart's content. I'll bet that your dad and your daughter would understand if you did that too. Don't underestimate them! And remember this: they are afraid too.

Do you trust your doctors? If not, find other ones. If so, then let go and let them do their jobs. If you have made all of the decisions that are yours to make right now, then let it go......let it go...breathe deeply and accept it. You can't fight it. You can't change it, as much as you'd like to. The doctors and their staffs are not going to hurt you. The are in the business of taking care of sick, frightened people. They will be very careful with you. They said that they will not do full anaesthesia because the procedure doesn't require it, but you WILL be sedated. Have you ever had a colonoscopy, for example? You are sedated...you don't feel a thing,.....and you don't remember a single thing. It is over before you knew it began. That's the way this will be....NOT your problem! Just go to sleep......and let somebody else take care of you.

Give in and let others take care of you. Never give up your fighting spirit, but DO give up this anxiety over things you can't change.

I sometimes say to people, "Put on your calmness and patience like a garment." Visualize yourself slowing your heart rate, and slipping a garment of calmness over your head. Wear it and move through what you need to do.

All of this is head-talk. Do NOT hesitate to get some anti-anxiety medication from your doctor. I promise you that you are not the first to ask for it, and that it is not a sign of weakness. You need it, and I can promise you another thing or two: The doctor would rather that you be calm for him to do his best for you, and also, you will save your energy for coping and healing, instead of wasting it on anxiety about things you can't control

My heart goes out to you. Hang in there. You're gonna do fine, once you get started and have an idea of what will be going on. Stay close!!

Colleen--T-2N0M0 SCC dx'd 12/28/05...Hemi-maxillectomy, partial palatectomy, neck dissection 1/4/06....clear margins, neg. nodes....no radiation, no chemo....Cancer-free at 4 years!