Listen, Ann Marie - it's OK to cry - in fact it is therapeutic. Lots of very strong tough people have cried. It's definitely not stupid. And it's ok to feel compassion for yourself. It shows you are a compassionate person and have feelings for others, too. Just because you've read about some scary stuff, doesn't mean it will happen to you. You've probably heard about the "one day at a time" thing. . . . well sometimes you have to take it just five minutes at a time. Just tell yourself, you will allow 5 minutes for the scary feeling and then you will stop and go do something physical like toe touches. And DO IT! I really feel what you are going through but it will get better. The in between stage of not knowing exactly what is going to happen is so hard. But once you get into the fighting stage you will feel better and more in control of things. Hang in there, "life (does) go own" and it gets better.