Hi Jen,
I know you don't like the surgeon but do you trust him?? That's the question right now. If you do then I guess the warm fuzzies we all need can come from the rest of your team. I didn't care for my radiation onc but he was the best so that's who I wanted. Ended up I had more contact with his associate who I ended up wanting to take home to one of my older girls.
In your position I would want the neck disection. I have read to much about machines not catching small cancers in the lymphnodes and I would want someone to take them out and check them, literally. I don't remember having any pain with my disection and others say it was not a difficult part of treatment.
You can do it Jen. We're all pulling for you.
Minnie