It is very easy to lay the blame for having Oral Cancer ,failure of treatment ,and recurrance solely at the feet of lifestyle.
The truth is, that yes life style is a proven major contributory factor in some cases,but there are also many many people on this site who have never smoked,never had an alcohol reliance and are fit and healthy prior to their diagnosis.They follow the Doctors treatment plans to the letter and still reoccurance and death will follow.

Trying to lay blame for your Mothers passing is quite natural,as is all the "what if questions " you will torture yourself with for many years to come,but that is the very essence of the various stages of bereavment,as is anger, frustration and loss of faith in the so called experts.

Sometimes plain ignorance can be the major factor in the poor diagnosis and treatment of Oral Cancer with so many people,both professional, and the man in the street being unfamiliar with its existence ,its treatment and most of all its outcome,particularly if the sufferer gets the advice and then chooses to ignore it.

Bottom line is its too late for your Mum amd my husband and unfortunately too many others to mention,but from every failure comes learning and the hope of a better outcome for those who follow.
Thats what this site is all about,and its unfortunate that you didnt find your way here sooner,when perhaps the experience of others and the information available may have helped you feel more able to tackle the course of your Mums illness,and be more in control of the situation.

Brian Hill and his team who set up and administer this site, devote their lives to getting the message out to the world about this most unspoken form of cancer and those of us who used the tools of knowledge and support to help us on our journey are eternally grateful for it,so arm yourself with this knowledge and do what you can to make sure no one else you know or care about,or even those you dont know have to suffer what you are going through now.

I am sorry for your loss,but sometimes shit happens and at the time their is nothing we can do about it.