Christine,

I understand all of your fears and concerns, they are all very valid and I am glad you are sharing them instead of bottling them up.

I had a few thoughts I wanted to share with you, I don't know if they will help or not.

-Acknowledge your neice's fear and sadness, and then tell her what you need from her...optimism and help!! Tell her you need a team that is larger than your two kids, and that you need her to be a big part of it.

To be honest, this cancer sucks...I cry all the time...usually away from my husband, occasionally I tear up in front of him. I cry often in front of my kids, my neighbors, when I am alone in my car.

My tears don't have anything to do with negativity...it's just fatigue, frustration, helplessness. My husband is stage 4 and I believe he will survive this. Cancer and crying...they just seem to go hand in hand at times.

-Realize that you are not down and out of work yet. If your company is flexible, you might have several good weeks of work in you (I think you said in the past that they can give you computer vs. phone work...I know it hurts to talk). Also, Amy's suggestion to check out a work from home option is a good one.

Some people have a really hard time with Cisplatin, some don't. My husband went on short weekend business trip 2 weekends after his first Cisplatin treatment. So, while it's good to prepare for the worst, realize that things might go better than expected.

Radiation side effects usually don't kick in until later in the treatment cycle. Some people are able to work for quite some time. Schedule wise, it is easier to work around the treatment appointments than the endless number of consultations pre-treatment.

BTW, did you get some Ativan for the radiation treatments? When they fit you for the mask and for the first few treatments...even people who aren't claustrophobic can feel claustrophobic. My suggestion is to get Ativan (or whatever your medical team prescribes) and use it prior to your mask fitting. Your RO is probably the best person to talk to about this. Or, in our case, I have a great Radiation NP who writes our our Rxs.

-What everyone is telling you above...do not discount. If people offer to help, accept any and all help. Think through specifics. A difficult thing to deal with is open ended offers of help.

So, be prepared, when someone says, "I'd like to help, let me know what you need."...Be specific with an answer...you need meals for the kids, someone to drop off and pick up RXs, an occasional ride to the hospital to give your son a break, someone to run errands or drive your daughter somewhere.

People will step up to the plate, they just don't know what you need. Sometimes people don't know what to offer...and, sometimes it is difficult to ask for help. But, if you can give people who offer help specific tasks...it will make everyone happier.

And, if anyone offers something specific...accept it. I kept pushing help away at first...and, now I have learned to say yes always. And, life is a lot easier.

I had to have someone sit me down and explain that it makes people feel good to help and that I needed to accept more to help other people who were feeling helpless in dealing with this too.

Have your co-workers offered to help? Do you have any neighbors...or family that is a little farther away but could come and stay for a few days here and there? Do you belong to a church or any groups?

-Stay connected here!! While I wish you lived closer and I could physically help you...I and others want to support you emotionally. Please let us do that.

-As far as getting your kids engaged in helping you (putting some of their wants and needs aside as you mentioned) my suggestion is to start a blog.

I started a blog on blogspot about my husband's fight with this cancer. The intent was to keep my husband's family and friends updated on Dan's progress. But, it quickly turned into a tool to help involve my kids in their dad's care...and, to publicly acknowledge their contributions.

My kids read the blog daily and both kids like it when I include them and feature them with pics. (Digital cameras are really a great thing)

It helps to make them feel important as members of the family and as part of my husband's team...as so much attention is going to my husband instead of them this summer.

If you like, I could help you start a blog...it's pretty easy...perhaps your neice could help you send your blog out to interested people.

I love the suggestion above about someone's daughter listing specific suggestions for help. You could have that on your blog.

Or, perhaps, your daughter could help do upddates for the blog as a project?

I never thought many people would view the blog, it was meant as a private family thing...but, it got forwarded to so many different people. And, as a result, we have had a huge outpouring of support, offers of help and prayers!

Christine, you are not alone, the people here at OCF are with you in spirit and prayer.

I, personally, have you in my thoughts often. Getting through this as a mom and relying on your kids sounds tough.

I hope you will post often during treatments...we'll all want to be here for you!