Most of you know that my sister, Kim, died at 24 years old from this aggressive and horrible disease less than a year ago. Kim was not a smoker and she was not a heavy drinker. I am still struggling to get over her fight and death. Every day is a battle for me. I've had a difficult time coming back here, because it reopens so many fresh wounds, and I find myself crying for hours out of anger, grief, and fear.

What doesn't help is my constant fear that this disease will take hold of my husband. He's a smoker and sometimes chews (when he doesn't smoke). He was there all through Kim's diagnosis and fight, but he continued to smoke and chew. He saw what this did to Kim - physically and mentally, but he still did not quit. I have pleaded and begged him to quit, because I don't want to lose him to this disease either and I don't think I could go through this again - watching someone fight, suffer, and die to the same disease that took Kim.

He promises weekly, sometimes daily that he will quit - I've done everything that I can to try to help, but he never lasts more than a week, and then is right back to smoking or chewing. I remind him of what happened to Kim, but his outlook is that if it happens, it happens - we all die sometime. I know - that sounds horrible and selfish. He has a different outlook on life and death than I do. I've told him that he needs to also think about me, because whatever happens to him will also happen to me - maybe not physically, but mentally. Don't get me wrong, my husband is wonderful. I couldn't ask for a better friend and a more supportive person and I'm scared of losing him to this disease. I am just so terrified constantly.

I guess I'm not really asking a question, I'm just venting and scared. I don't know what to do. I know he has to want to quit, but he says he enjoys smoking, so I don't ever think he will quit. I'm at a loss. I feel so broken down emotionally and I don't think there's anything that I can do.

Thanks for letting me get that off my chest.

God Bless