Helen,

From the caregiver perspective I am very aware of what you are talking about.

I worry about being selfish and I think that I must be everything to everyone all of the time.

It is a very difficult thing to cope with knowing that someone else depends on you to such a degree that they might not be able to carry on without you. And this is under normal circumstances.

The last I checked, brandy will make a nice fire over a flaming desert.

As far as how to cope... I am still practicing. I do not take medications. There are times when I wake in the morning and I am overwhelmed with an incredible sadness. Sometimes almost impossible to see through and I go outside and get in my car and I turn the music up so that I can not hear anything else.

I close my eyes and I think about nothing. I breath deep and let the music flow through me taking the sadness with it. Over time it passes and I can continue on.

There have been a few times when it is so strong that I am afraid it won't pass. At those times, I write. Anything I want, anything I feel no matter how unfair, bizarre, or whatever it is. Then I send it to a friend who reads them and says nothing in return. It works for me. I don't know if it would work for anyone else but it works for me.

If you think that the writing might help, then try a Blog here on the board. There is something about writing and sharing without response that is very helpful. Rosie is doing a great job and I would even make the leap that it is helpful for her to do it.

Never give up trying things (except jumping off of a bridge of course :-) that are constructive not destructive because you just never know what might work.

You are doing one thing that many people find helpful and that is communicating. With us here.

Keep talking, we are all listening and your audience completely understands.

Sending you lots of hugs!!

Cindy