Karen,

My first thought was to advise you to just let it go. I can certainly understand wanting to blame someone. I had considered talking to a lawyer after Heather died. I felt there were parts of her treatment that were not handled properly and I was angry. I wanted someone to be angry at. I wanted someone to pay for her suffering. I have since realized that there probably wasn't any one particular thing that, if done differently, would have saved her. Maybe if everything had been done differently? Who knows? I sure don't. I will always wonder though.

If your mom's cancer was stage 4, as Heather's was, it could be the same situation. As Gary said, the chance of survival isn't good to start with. But, if she had an infection and it was never treated, that is a bit different. You said you weren't informed about the infection. I assume that means it was never treated. If that is the case, you definitely need to get some answers.

Several months after Heather died, I did talk to her surgeon. I had several concerns about her treatment and he was able to set my mind at ease a bit. He actually even took part of the blame upon himself. He treated Heather the same as he had treated hundreds of patients and there was no reason to think she wouldn't respond as well as they had. But in retrospect, he said there were things he should have done differently. Of course hindsight is always easier than foresight. There really was no way he could have known her cancer would react differently. Just hearing him take part of the blame helped me, though, because it lifted some of the blame from my shoulders.

If I were you, I would question your mom's doctors about the infection. Find out if any of them were aware of it, if anything was being done to treat it. If they weren't aware, ask why. One of her doctors should have known about it. If none of them knew, then someone did drop the ball and you probably should investigate further. You may have just cause for a lawsuit. Or you may find out that the infection had nothing to do with her death. At least you will be able to set your mind at ease, one way or the other.

Rosie

Was primary caregiver to my daughter Heather who had stage IV base of tongue SCC w/ primary recurrence. Original diagnosis August 21st, 2002. Primary recurrence March 18th, 2003. Died October 6th, 2003.