Dear Amy, I feel so close to your friend! I have second thoughts about going foward with radiation/chemo now that my sugery has healed.I look at statistics on mortality and weigh the pain factor and the whole thing looks like the pay-off ain't so great. So my husband walks me thru it a lot explaining again the value of my life to our kids and my pets (who I love like kids),and how he needs me(bald and toothless is just fine with him).He has people I care for call me or show up to remind me how they miss me at work.He offers to hold m,y hand thru this every day. Believe me he needs to repeat these things often.I hate to feel helpless and violated and not in control,your friend as a male may feel this way keenly and may have difficulty owning this situation emotionally.The one thing he can control is his treatment,by not having it and getting sick,but that road may well lead to more significant pain and death! Keep talking to him and anyone else that he is close to should talk to him.Tell him many others have and do feel the same way but have struggled down a painful road to a full life again.I will pray for your situation and perhaps someone else can give you more concrete ideas as so many folk are so caring and willing to share their experiences here. Keep hope,Susanlaura1