I think everything that you are feeling is both normal and appropriate. The trick for the spouse/caregiver is to try to be the ringside coach. If you've ever watched a boxing match, this guy is taking in the overview of everything that is happening, a perspective that someone in the actual ring fighting might not be able to get. He's giving advice and encouragement to his fighter between rounds to ensure that he is aware of little details, that in the heat of battle, he may miss. And when the going gets tough he is the person who is psyching up his fighter. You are in the same position. You want to be listening to every word the doctors are saying. Someone with a deadly diagnosis over his or her head might not hear everything, or might selectively hear something that they wish to. The patient may not have the detachment to properly evaluate the options, being too close to the fight. And for sure, the part about helping them keep their emotions up, their fighters face on, and encouraging them that the battle is winnable, even when it's really getting tough, falls to the ringside coach. This is an important job. You will no doubt rise past your own insecurities to the task....