I am being very cautious here Julie,because i am not in possession of all or really any of the facts in Riches case.
Robin was alert and able to do for himself right up to the minute he fell asleep really,so please dont be overly influenced by his apparent capabilities.
Things change so rapidly it is breathtaking,so dont lower your guard,and the minute you feel anything is different,even the most innocuos silly remark he may make,then look at your care plan again.

The one thing i have to say and i dont want or mean to be insensitiveis is that at some point Rich's stubborness must be put on the back burner and your want and needs made clear to him and the care staff.You have a right to some choices after all you are shouldering the lions share of responsibility.

I thank god every day that Robins attitude changed so much once he was in full time hospice care,and the knowledge that he had other people to take the burden of comfort and pain control over, made him more able to see how i was coping and feeling and bring that into his equation of how to deal with everything.
I also had the luxury of a back up from the staff who always spent time talking to me and Robin ,and were able to discuss matters with him that he was being difficult about.Compromises were more easily reached with gentle explanations from the staff and i was relieved not to have to be the one constantly passing on information he really didnt want to hear,and almost blamed me for telling him.

I think about you both daily and will never forget your first PM to me when i joined this group it made me realise i wasnt the only one battling with more than one demon.


love liz