Barb,
That's the ONLY thing that worries me about this site---the Hell people describe! And also, I can assure you you'll get lots of posts telling him it's ugly/painful/messy/no quality of life to not TRY to fight it!--'Better to be alive after a fight than not here and what is quality'???

What you can do is take a deep breath and don't try to be God--you're a loving supportive partner, but this beast is here and don't go away without a fight of some sort, but you can't be fighting fit--whether for trying for 'quality' or going down the aggresive route--unless you are focussed and calm!

Worry won't solve anything, so don't even bother wasting time on that! Some meds for you, at whatever point, may help you to cope!

So what helps?? Everyone's different--for me:

My partner LISTENS to me, talks if I want/need to, carries on 'as normal' if that's what I'm doing at the time---so he goes to work 2 days as usual, lets me do the laundry when I want--but carries the bag for me if I can't. Asks me if I want something to eat, doesn't hassle me if I don't.

He teases me the way he always did, sends funny emails from his computer to mine--encourages me to go with him shopping---but accepts if I can't--carries his cell-phone always (hey, that IS a first!) in case I need him, and generally 'takes the cue from me' And just cuddles me and tells me he loves me---but not in a despairing, suffocating way.

Sometimes he goes "OI, you, you're tired, get your ass off to bed"---other times he finds something on TV or DVD that he thinks I'll like.

He looks on the 'bright side' as that's what I want to do---but has listened and will respect my decision when I and the docs decide 'nothing more to be done' I also have 'quality of life' issues--for me, stopping working and stopping to smell the flowers is great!
And the biopsy was huge and invasive---but 2 weeks after it---turned out enough crap had been removed for a lot of my pain and swelling to go down to manageable proportions!

He listens to the docs and care nurses--then looks at me---and nods or shakes. Occasionally he can't help it and his face registers horror---then I have a re-think for his sake! Oh, and for my kids of course!

I'm 'only' 58, but have brought up 2 kids to be independent, happy and successful, cared for both my parents as they got sick (Dad only died 2 years ago at 85, I'd been his sole carer for 3 years) and I've had a worthwhile job which may have made a difference to some lives.
I've made a lot of mistakes along the way, but basically, I don't have too many regrets, and my kids and partner all know that when I decide 'No more treatment, just bring on the pain-relief'--I really mean it and they respect my wishes.

No-one can tell you what to do love, for the best---ask your other half what HE wants and listen!
I have you both in my thoughts,
brenda