Hi,
Your posts make me feel so bad for you, that type of fear is the worst. And if you're like me then you will focus on that fear until it becomes so large that it takes you over. When I had to have a biopsy after my treatment was done on a sore on my tongue, I truly felt that I was going to have a breakdown. I couldn't sleep, couldn't be in the same room with my kids or I would cry, I focused ONLY on my fear. No matter how many times friends, family, board members told me not to worry until I had results, it didn't help me control my fear. I couldn't focus on anything, felt exhausted all the time, and could make a tiny ache into a huge one that I was SURE was a sign of more cancer. My point in telling you all of this? Your reaction is normal and it is also manageable. You WILL make it, you WILL get through it, whether it's cancer or not (and I happen to feel that it is NOT cancer). So find a medium somewhere, go for a walk when you feel the anxiety, anything to take your mind off it for even seconds at a time.
Take care,
Minnie

SCC Left Mandible. Jaw replaced with bone from leg. Neck disection, 37 radiation treatments. Recurrence 8-28-07, stage 2, tongue. One third of tongue removed 10-4-07. 5-23-08 chemo started for tumor behind swallowing passage, Our good friend and much loved OCF member Minnie has been lost to the disease (RIP 10-29-08). We will all miss her greatly.