Fear of recurrence is a recognised "thing" in cancer psychology I think. Years ago I read a book called "Dancing in Limbo" written by two women, one with melanoma and one with oral cancer. Just last year it appeared again when I took part in a course with a cancer psychologists. It's pretty good and could help you see how others get through the first few years after treatment.

The other thing is that a recurrence is not always the end of the world. Lots of people here are living life large after a few rounds with this cancer.

Most people don't get a recurrence. Many stay well even after an advanced cancer. A few years ago the wife of one of my colleagues got breast cancer, had the treatment then spent years worrying about every little symptom in case it was a return of her cancer. When I look back now I wonder if she had untreated depression. According to her husband, her life was clouded by the cancer she was successfully treated for.

Fear of recurrence can be crippling . It needs to be grappled with firmly with help from a professional or some sort of conscious effort.

Finally, no one understands it apart from people who have had cancer. My own family and friends see me running around well adapted to my new normal and they have no idea of how I have to keep the fear under control. The last thing they want to hear is me being negative. Therefore it's only on this site that I can be really honest:)