Welcome to OCF, Iris! Im so sorry to hear about your situation with your husband! Im sure its very stressful for both of you. I wish I could help you with your problem. It sounds like you have quite a mess on your hands and the weight of the world on your shoulders.

My suggestion is probably one your husband would not even consider. I advise going immediately to a comprehensive cancer center (CCC) and finding out what they suggest. There have been many Stage IV OC patients come thru this forum and Ive seen the majority of those that were treated survive (myself included). Even if the first doc said it was terminal, that does NOT mean it always is. "Letting nature take its course" with oral cancer is NOT a pleasant way to go for either of you. I suggest also seeking out a therapist for counseling to help each of you deal with this situation. Its so much for each of you to handle, talking with a professional sure couldnt hurt.

If it would help your husband to speak directly to a survivor, I wouldnt mind talking with him. I have been here for over 7 years and by now Ive probably spoken to hundreds of OC patients and caregivers from all over the world. Let me know and we could talk tomorrow.

Best wishes with everything!