Jerry - (I have a lot to say so hang on)

I did get the name of Dr. xxx, from Brian who is supposed to be an expert in his field so will try to make an appt. with him.

In the wee hours last night, I stumbled across some info on this site (somewhere?) in relation to the "protective barrier" condition I've been told on two occassions that I have going on in my oral cavity - if I understood what I read correctly - this "barrier" process is precisely the time when healthy cells become evermore weakened making it easier for any cancerous cells to form and take over. When I was told of this condition it was presented to me in a very non-alarming fashion, but if I'm understanding this new information correctly this is a condition that should be taken more seriously. Hopefully, I can see this other doctor/dentist that Brian mentioned and he'll be better educated/experienced to address that with me.

You're right in assuming I haven't "quit" my tobacco addiction "for good" as of yet - have quit many times only to start back up. I am stocked up with so many aids - gums, patches, herbal aides, etc....- could open my own NRT store. I don't understand why quitting for good has been so difficult - especially with the emotional turmoil and ongoing questionable health concerns it has caused - seems like it should be a no-brainer - decide to quit, do it and never look back. I am continually/constantly working on it - have tapered off these past few days and set a goal to be completely tobacco free come next week (yikes! and hooray! all at once). Thank you for sticking it to me so-to-speak about that - it helps alot.

Although, more appropriate for "another" support group - want to share anyway: Any and all kinds of addictions are evil monsters not easily understood or conquered. Have to be ever so careful not to judge others - saw an older woman once with type 2 diabetics not doing so hot healthwise at a childrens party totally submerse herself into the sweets once everyone (or "thought" - she didn't know I was there) left the room. Initially "I" (of all people) was being judgmental of her and felt rather angry at her and wanted to get after her, perhaps I should have said something, but instead quietly walked away saying a prayer for her on my way out. Although, very young at the time recall visiting my alcoholic/heavy smoker aunt in the hospital looking like death on more than one occassion yet she continued to drink and smoke. She is no longer with us - had back to back surgeries for tongue and breast cancer and her body couldn't deal with it and left us quietly in the night at her home alone. I'm no better - am an addict too.

I've certainly become more educated in recent days, weeks & months on the ill effects of my own addiction - smokeless tobacco is often said to be safer or the lesser of the two evils - I'm still hearing that today from professionals I've seen recently). The thing I have going "today" is that there still is a thread of hope. I haven't "officially" been diagnosed with cancer as of yet and whether or not that's due to poor care so far, don't know that for sure. But it is a thread of hope and I know I need to take that hope and run with it - turn my lifestyle around.