Wow - I'm not surprised at your dentists lack on knowledge that seems to be the standard. Though I must say during my journey I'd had two on the ball dentists, and one not so with it ENT. I think it's all about the individual person. Whenever dealing with medical professionals I respect what I hear about a dr. But also accept that one - they are human and yes it's possible that even the best make mistakes, and two - I am my best advocate, so in order to do take care of myself I needed to educate myself. So that's what I'm suggesting you do. This is a life threatening disease just the word cancer is terrifying - so knowledge is power and will allow you to make educated decisions from here on in. Plus this forum is an amazing resource for support and information,

That said, based on what you've described it sounds like a poorly differentiated cancer, and it's also likely non HPV related (this assumption is based on location) so despite what you may think the surgery was the proper option (first time out of the gate) however with that invasive a surgery I would think they would have - followed through with radiation and chemo right away. I suspect they didn't because they thought they got it all and there was no nodal involvement, This is a hit or miss presumption with this type of cancer. I often tell people who've been treated with only surgery that they should keep a close eye on their mouth and neck post op if they are not going for follow up treatment, because this cancer can be so pervasive and insidious. Thankfully some do escape at an only surgical option but more often than not they end up with a recurrence such as yourself.

So unfortunately yours is a familiar story. The decision to not do radiation is a judgement call by the dr., to me the potential for a recurrence is based on a few things, skill of the surgeon, differentiation of the cancer, lifestyle and overall health.

The nurse during your first post op experience was an idiot and negligent, most people post op with this type of surgery are not allowed to eat for several days depending on the extent of the surgery at least two or three. So sandwiches were likely a seriously bad option. (I know the menu is often determined by the hospital/dietician, etc.. But someone messed up, she should have caught it.

(Frankly it sounds like she went to the same university my nurses did - they were brutal)

Anyway, kudos to you for getting through this. Now try to heal.