Welcome to the family Hellion. Your username made some of us jealous, wishing we had thought of it first. Such is the nature of human vanity as Donna says in the previous post.

Notice that within a day or two of joining you have quite a few responses to your first post. That's how this group is, supportive and not shy about it.

I don't have any technical advice to give you, many others are more experienced than I. But, what I can tell you is, while treatment can be brutal and painful, it isn't always so. From reading the forum I was convinced my treatment would be horrible, painful, every bad adjective I could imagine, and maybe worse. But, it didn't turn out that way. Quite the opposite in fact. Overall, it wasn't bad at all. Yes, I had some mouth and throat pain but that didn't really show up until the last week of treatment. Will you be one of the lucky who escape the worst parts of it, I don't know. Do read what others say they went through, but don't automatically assume yours will be as bad.

All the above was about the physical side of the disease and it's treatment. The rest of this is about the mental side of it. Cancer is a brutal assault on both your body and your psyche. The mental side is at least as important and maybe moreso than the physical. If your basic nature is to be a worrier or a fretter over what might happen instead of what is happening, then this journey will be a little more difficult for you. You will have a million thoughts over the next few months, some good some bad. The real test will be with what you do with the bad thoughts, how rapidly you analyze them, dismiss them and move on with your life in a positive manner, ie how little time you spend on the dark side. Worrying about things won't change the result at all, it just makes you miserable in the process. It will be what it will be is a phrase you will hear over and over from this group.

One of our members, username Bart taught me a phrase early on in my journey ... don't attach to outcomes. It means don't make an emotional investment in the outcome of anything. Rather than worrying that next CT scan result will show the tumor is getting larger or hoping strongly it gets smaller, leave the emotion out of it and just wait for the result to arrive. If you got your hopes up and then the result comes in negative your emotional investment in the outcome greatly increases your chance of becoming depressed over the bad result. A much healthier way to approach the result is to say, okay we had a bad result, what do I need to do next to counter it. Thinking that way keeps you focused on the positives of beating the demon instead of the negatives of losing out to it. Being able to stay positive in the face of bad news is critical to your long term result.

You don't know this yet, but Bart has had several cancer recurrences over the last 10 or 20 years. Yet he maintains an extremely positive attitude about the continuing battle. Imagine the psychological toll had he not remained positive. That's the real message here. Do a search on Bart and get a dose of his positive nature for yourself.

I've said enough, keep your chin up, we will help you with your journey every step of the way.

Tony