Good morning Michael:

Welcome to the family. It's a big one and a very supportive group. You will get your questions answered here and hopefully a little help to get through this very big upcoming battle.

Proton therapy is very new compared to all the other radiation methods most of us have used. I understand it minimizes the damage to non-cancerous tissues, which is a big plus. That you had no waiting line before implementing the therapy will make many others jealous as we had to wait through those waiting lines for treatment methods that were very busily being used.

Your HPV-16 status has definitely changed your dating life, at least that's my opinion (and I am not a doctor, so this is not medical advice). It's a subject that we have been talking about a lot recently on the forum and several different lines of thinking are running around simultaneously. I'm going to tell you my line of thinking, for the others I refer you to the forum.

Some think it can be transmitted via kissing, others don't think so. It most likely was transmitted to you via oral sex as that is the most logical link to connect genitals to the oral region. Is it the only way to transmit it to the mouth region, I don't know. I have read at least one account of someone thinking it was transmitted via sharing a joint of marijuana via residual saliva left on the joint. Does that method have any validity, I don't know. But, on an even more important issue, can it be transmitted via normal intercourse, I expect so, so oral sex is not the only concern. As you study the issue more you will realize condoms possibly prevent that transmission mode, and that dental dams exist that can prevent oral transmission, except possibly in kissing. I certainly wouldn't want to have to put essentially a piece of Saran Wrap between my mouth and hers prior to kissing.

I think the main point I am trying to convey is there is still a lot unknown about all the methods that HPV-16 can be transmitted. But that you are HPV positive is a known (and documented) fact, therefore you have serious legal and ethical considerations for your dating future. I've heard that knowingly infecting another with an STD is a felony, so prior disclosure to prospective partners is a must in my opinion.

And to me that points you squarely into the STD population dating scene, fortunately of which there are STD dating sites on the web (STDmingle and PositiveSingles, both are .com). In my very limited experience I've found that all the STD's are lumped together, and even though HPV is a choice you can mark yourself positive for, that doesn't mean all others are HPV-16 positive (in fact I haven't yet seen anyone mention -16). I expect the HPV variation most of them are designating pertains to presence or absence (with diagnosis) of genital warts, which is a totally different strain (and likely non-cancer causing). So, to a degree you may be just substituting one STD for another by becoming involved with these people.

But, what else are you going to do. I am not ready yet to swear off the opposite sex.

Maybe one other thing to think about, you have a very big, arduous journey ahead of you whether it's proton therapy or not. I'm sure you will still have unpleasant side effects such as loss of taste, loss of saliva production, possibly mucositis, throat burns and possible scaring, neck skin burns, weight loss, plus others. While I am now two weeks after completion of treatment (IMRT) I still have no taste for food. Long story short, I don't think it's a good time for me to be going out on a date and then have to explain why I'm drinking Ensure instead of eating normal food with my date. I can see that's a good way to "ensure" there won't be a second date.

Another issue I've thought about and which you would eventually too is that since HPV-16 is cancer causing whereas most other strains of STD's are NOT, is that may have a big scary effect on your future dating pool. They may be positive for an STD, but it may scare the lleh out of them that you are carrying a known cause of cancer.

And that makes it essential that you educate yourself about how the majority of people clear even an HPV-16 exposure from their bodies via normal immune system function. To me, that will be the biggest hurdle we have to overcome. While I am not convinced of this yet, it may point us (or limit us) to the small segment of the population who are also HPV-16 positive, as they already know the details and risks of exposure whereas the rest of the STD population doesn't.

It might be a good idea for the STD dating sites to add an HPV-16 designation to the profile you fill out, but then they would also have to include all the other HPV strains that are "at risk" strains, and I understand that there are about 8 others. At this point I don't know what the other 8 strains make you at risk for, some are likely cancer, but maybe not all. Since this website and forum are about oral cancer, you might have to explore that outside this forum.

I hope my candor has been helpful. Good luck on your journey, we will be here to help every step of the way.

take care

Tony