Carl,
It is hard to imagine so much coming at one family in a one week. You do have a hard road ahead, but we found that a positive attitude (even when it was very difficult), the confidence and trust we put into the medical team working with Tom and the prayers and support of family and friends - and this forum - helped greatly. Tom was diagnosed a year ago with stage IV tonsil cancer - lymph node involvement on both sides. Biopsies, chemo, radiation, surgery.......at the worst, he felt like death and looked it......but keeping focused on the future pulled us ALL through the worst, scariest times.
You will hear from many survivors that the #1 thing for you to do is get to a comprehensive cancer center and get the best doctors available. Take a relative or friend for every consult; bring along all the questions that WILL come up almost daily...let your support person take notes and help you reconstruct the doctors visits. TAKE A HAPPY FACE to chemo and radiation....it will help you through. Bring a good book or laptop or music to keep your mind off your troubles if only for a little while.
Eat whatever you love now...and much of it, esp. if you have a weight issue like Tom did.
Tom just had the feeding tube removed a week ago! He had it since the 1st of Sept. '04. Eating is a real challenge, but he knows it is a life or death deal. (He has put on 20 of the 30 he lost, but was already too slim when this began). The dry mouth is not nearly as severe - - he can say three words without needing water His voice is not yet 'his,' but it is sooo much better than 3 months ago.
You are facing a challenge bigger than most with much of your energy going towards concern and care of two others you love. This site will be a real help with solid information and this supportive forum. Believe me, you will be in the hearts and prayers of many. Not enough can be said for the group that gathers here.
With all our best - and with our prayers for you and your family..
Nicki and Tom