Gilb, I disagree. Let your Wife come with you.
Kris didn't want me to come initially. But remember, what happens to you happens to your wife too. It really does. Don't exclude her, that is extremely painful. She will worry more and honestly you will appreciate having her there to support and advocate for you.
To get through this you must be a team. Work together and support each other.
With respect to Cheryl and Tina, they are both the patient and not the Caregivers. Maybe that's why I see this so differently from them both.
In the beginning I often told Kris, " what happens to you , happens to me" .
I get how your Von is feeling.
If she would like to talk to me she can PM me, I am always here.
Tammy

Caregiver/advocate to Husband Kris age 59@ diagnosis
DX Dec '10 SCC BOT T4aN2bM0 HPV+ve.Cisplatin x3 35 IMRT.
PET 6/11 clear.
R) level 2-4 neck dissection 8/1/11 to remove residual node - necrotic with NED
Feb '12 Ca back.. 3/8/12 total glossectomy/laryngectomy/bilat neck dissection/partial pharyngectomy etc. clear margins. All nodes negative for disease. PEG in.
March 2017 - 5 years disease free. Woohoo!